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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I get over this?

10 replies

2020IsTheWorseIWantedZombies · 25/05/2020 21:35

This is a long one so I apologise but it’s about my in laws.

My sister in law has always treated us badly, even when in contact with her she used us for money, free babysitting and not to do the school runs.
When I lost a multiple pregnancy at 33 weeks, she hounded my DH the day I lost them whilst he was visiting me at hostipal for money.
On the day of their funeral she rang my DH and had a go at him for not going round to hers to move some stuff and when he told her what day it was she replied with “oh that I forgot about that.” Just giving you an idea of the type of person she is.
We lived near her, and she decided to up and randomly move out of the blue without saying goodbye to my DC. One has autism so didn’t understand why she had just vanished overnight with their cousins and cried themselves to sleep for a month straight.
She’s upped and moved yet again without telling my children, this time even further away and it’s going to break their hearts AGAIN when I explain they can’t see their cousins at all anymore. (She’s banned us from seeing her DC.)
All whilst this is going on DHs auntie has been encouraging SILs behaviour. She has a disabled child herself and has been messaging another family member saying her child is upset and because she’s disabled they ought to speak to them. Yet she’s activately encouraged my SIL is disown her nephews even though they are perfectly aware my eldest DC has autism and learning difficulties.

I’m just wondering how an earth do I get over this? I’m so angry and hurt, I can’t even talk to her about it as she’s blocked me from everything as she’s been spreading other lies about my DH to people and knows she’s done wrong.
She’s the type to turn up in a year and act like nothings happened to add insult to injury. Sorry if this makes no sense I just need to rant!

OP posts:
Spain1 · 25/05/2020 21:38

She is doing you a favour keep away from her you are far better off without her.

Mischance · 25/05/2020 21:41

She's out of your way now - a very good thing. Do not get in touch with her; block her on all social media. And just get on with your lives. Your little family is what matters.

Windyatthebeach · 25/05/2020 21:45

I never ever had or wanted a relationship with my now exsil.
Seems that is the route for you op.

Elieza · 25/05/2020 21:55

DH is the only one who need interact with her. I get the feeling he’s taking in by her selfishness as he’s been used to it his whole life.

2020IsTheWorseIWantedZombies · 25/05/2020 22:04

It’s just so incredibly hard to get over. When half of DHs family have been turned against us by her ridiculous lies. We have been literally left with nobody apart from his dad (we don’t really know anyone so that doesn’t help the isolation for us or our kids) as we moved here to be with family and she’s gone and done this.
I’m glad she’s moved away though, even though I’m angry I do feel relief as she shouldn’t drag us into her monthly dramas anymore. I just feel very used and hurt. Sad

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 25/05/2020 22:08

What does she say her reason is for disliking you/not wanting to talk to you?

Sorry for your loss and her behaviour around that - really shocking.

2020IsTheWorseIWantedZombies · 25/05/2020 22:13

She won’t talk to me because I asked to apologise to my DC for leaving without so much as a goodbye the first time and because I wouldn’t give her money.

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 25/05/2020 22:20

My sil hated me because I had the first dgc..
Easy for me to ignore her - she was bloody awful. And bloody awful to her dc. Wouldn't have wanted her around mine anyway..
Your dc do not need toxic people around them. Family or not..

SandyY2K · 25/05/2020 22:43

You can't demand apologies from people...especially someone without the common decency to tell their own brother that they are moving house. Normal siblings don't behave like this.

With regards to the money...she can't expect you to keep lending her money

She does sound awful , but the rest of the family cutting you off and believing her shows some dysfunction.

2020IsTheWorseIWantedZombies · 25/05/2020 23:16

Oh it’s definitely dysfunctional. She has mental health issues, and wished another child dead before. (I only found out after she stopped speaking to me or else I would of backed away naturally a long time ago.)
I was wrong to demand an apology I know. I was just hurt that didn’t seem to care she hurt my child’s feelings.
It’s defiently for the best shes out of our life’s, thank you for making see this. I don’t know why I feel so annoyed when in reality it’s a good thing she can’t inflict anymore suffering on us.

OP posts:
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