How do I get over him when I see him all the time?

[Lostlittlesoull]

Hi everyone, me and my ex split 4 months ago after he cheated. I still see him loads as we have children and at the moment we get on great. How do I get over him when he’s always going to be in my life ? I can’t stop thinking about him etc and lockdown is making this even worse!
Thanks

You have to make a plan and a timeline to stop you having to see him so much.

If you're having difficulty getting over him then you need to limit contact.
Of course it's good if the kids see you both getting on, but it's not good for them long term if their mother is unhappy and hasn't been able to heal.

How often do you see him? If he's seeing the kids at your house then that is not fair on you.

It’s early days so be kind to yourself
Perhaps, while remaining friendly re the children, you can’t be friends at the moment? Try to minimise contact as much as possible and just a quick cursory chat at handovers only about the children ?

It sounds like you are using the kids as an excuse to see him and want him back. You need to make a decision, is it over or not, otherwise it’s not fair on the kids. I couldn’t imagine getting on great with someone who cheated and wrecked my family.

OP, I’m in the exact same position as you. Even broke up around the same time. However, he was already in a new relationship 2 weeks later.

I know what I should be feeling, yet I just can’t help loving him. Some days I’m glad it’s over, some days I just want my little happy family back.

You just have to realise even if he came back, nothing would ever be the same again. He has betrayed you. My ex still wants to be friends and do family things together. I told him he’s not my friend and never will be. Friends don’t treat each other with such disrespect. Yet I can’t help but sit and think about the ‘what ifs’.

I only have contact regarding the kids, just the usual times of drop off and pick up etc. Yet I can’t help picking up my phone and hoping he’s messaged. It’s pathetic.

If you find a way to get over it please let me know. Plus, if you need someone to talk to feel free to message me. Sometimes we just need to talk to someone who’s going/been through a similar thing.

You get over him by massively raising your own self esteem. It's good that you are on speaking terms for the DC's sake. But every time you see him, remind yourself that your standards are now raised so you couldn't possibly contemplate a man who cheats. Be cheerful and friendly but a little bit distant and polite, like an excellent events manager who has to be pleasant to a client she privately thinks is a bit of a tosser. This will give you the upper hand.
And even if he shows no signs at all of being interested in getting back together, think: Pearls before swine, mate. You lost your chance with me forever. Think something like this just before you open the door to him or answer a call.
Never seem hurt. It's hard during lockdown because you can't be busy in the world. But you can at least look at OLD and raise your standards really high.

Put your big girl pants on. He cheated on you. Get your self worth back