How do you cope always being an extra/outsider when DP has DC already?

[CherryTree7]

I adore DP, together 3 years.
He has 3 DC 22,20,16, 50/50 custody with EXW.

When we are not in lockdown eldest DC don't live at home, but they are at the moment.
I live alone with no DC and see him the rest of the time he doesn't have DC.

He is a fabulous dad, hands-on and supportive and its something I really like and admire in him and that I fully agree with. I understand that his children will always come first and that our time together is only when they don't have something on and I like how much time he invests in their lives, but it is hard at times to know you'll never be first choice, he would always rather be with them/involve them over me.

I just wondered how other people cope?
I know I'm finding this a particularly upsetting time because of lockdown, he is isolating with his family and I'm not part of that and he can't see me to protect them. But it has made me think, that whatever happens in the future he will always protect them and leave me to fend by myself. Or AIBU?

Do you have plans to live together or get married? Maybe you would be more apart of the family if you seen them more when they popped over and the relationships would come more naturally.

do you do enough things together eg a walk just the 2 of you, then he can go out with the dcs again either before or after? a date night even? you do deserve to see your dp alone you know! if I were you I'd talk to him very gently about wanting some more 'couple time', without getting heavy about who he loves more or anything.....

They are pretty big OP; won't be long before the older ones are fending for their own families and putting them first!
Is he now with his exw, then, is that what's weird?

I wouldn't worry about it now, during lockdown, but see what happens after things go back to 'normal'. Kids of that age want to do their own thing so I would expect you'd have plenty of time to do things as a couple. He sounds like a great Dad. Does he make a point of saying his kids come first? I had an ex b/f who went on about it so much it was one of the reasons I finished with him. It's a bit icky when people bang on about 'my kids are my world' and other cliché's. Of course they are but there needs to be a balance.