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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So unhappy

4 replies

unhappyandalone · 25/05/2020 00:45

Me and DH have had a rough time over the last 18 months.
I won't go into too many details but last year it reached a head, he told me exactly what he thought of me, that he didn't love me, how all the arguments we have are because of my temper, basically what a horrible person I am.
I couldn't really see what he meant, but he made me feel that nobody else would ever have me, I was at rock bottom.
I'm ashamed to say that I begged him to stay, told him that I would change etc and so we have just rubbed along. Until now.

I realised several months ago that no, I don't have a temper- well only when we have an argument where he won't let me get a word in, I end up raising my voice. I realised that he gaslights me, stonewalls me. Basically every argument is my fault.
We have not been out together on a date or just an evening out for 4 years.
Sex is non existent and when it does happen is over in less than 5 minutes.
He shows me no affection, I don't fancy him. I don't want to engage with him.

I want out.

How do I find the strength to tell him things are over?
I know I only have one option, I just needed to write things down and for people to tell me I am making the right decision...
We have 3DC and it's going to break their hearts.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 25/05/2020 00:52

How old are the children? What time alone with him do you get?

unhappyandalone · 25/05/2020 02:01

4, 6 and 8.

Obviously no time alone at the moment, but before covid we wouldn't get time alone unless arranged. I tried to arrange things, have a babysitter, have my parents have the dc but he would always make some excuse up or say he was too tired to do anything.

OP posts:
needhandhold · 25/05/2020 09:31

It sounds pretty miserable and he’s acting the way he does because he’s miserable too. You know you want out. Just do it. You’ll feel so much more relieved when you do

picklemewalnuts · 25/05/2020 10:00

Because of how he has behaved so far, it's worth making your plans quietly. Get your documents together, have a look at sensible options for some of you to move. Copy financial information. When you start talking about it, don't make it sound as though you've organised everything, but move the conversation around to sensible options.

Who is your children's main carer?

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