Hello, I’ve namechanged so as not to link to other things I’ve posted. I’ve been feeling more and more upset by my husband and think the lockdown has intensified things. I’m unsure if I’m being over sensitive or whether he’s using that label to give me no way to assert myself.
He’s a very charismatic person, he does public speaking and is very opinionated. Since we had our son to me he’s become obsessive about certain things. I’m a SAHM and it was bad when he was working but with him being in the house all the time I feel like a member of staff.
He questions me about what our son has eaten, he’s 3 and very picky but I find not making a bit deal of it is the best approach. As an example yesterday he got mad because I gave him a comic at breakfast time rather than saving it for later in the day to use as a bribe or distraction. He questioned the way I’d cut some meat up saying I should have left it in a big piece. I’d cut it up as the day before my son had asked me to cut it up. He also tried to grab the plate to remove the ketchup I’d put on it, despite it being him who introduced it. He said it was too much and it wasn’t good enough. His tone is very blunt and like an employer.
He ignores me when I speak if he’s watching TV or if our son is with us. It is true I talk too much and I’ve tried to talk less in the evening, but don’t understand why he can’t converse with me when we’re all together. I hate it as he showers our son with affection but doesn’t answer me so I feel excluded.
He won’t back me up and tells our son yes when I’ve said no, or else laughs and says he won’t get involved. He has started carrying him around so now he won’t walk anywhere, whereas he was enjoying walks before.
He keeps on about how he’s the sole bread winner, which is true, but it seems like it’s being used to imply I’m not up to scratch and to justify anything.
If I ever assert myself for example get cross about his tone of voice or the way he talks to me he just say it’s me who is at fault and I have to accept him for who he is. If I say the same he just finds fault with me and says he’s not putting up with it.
Tonight he has said I’m an angry person with a chip on my shoulder and I’m to change other wise he will leave me. He says everything is in my head, I’m paranoid and there is nothing wrong with his tone. He often barks out a list of what has to change about me and says I need therapy. I did see a counsellor who thought he sounded emotionally abusive from what I’ve said.
I’m beginning to feel very frozen over emotionally and can’t feel any happy emotions very often.
My reasoning is clouded and I get confused when he has these rants so just wanted to share really as if I told anyone I know they would never believe me as he’s so friendly.