I think I might be pretty near the end of the road with my marriage. For about 1.5 years we’ve been really unhappy with a lot of conflict. We did go through a lot of family trauma before that including our DD having life threatening illness for a long period so that’s contributed to our difficulties, though she’s better now. But I feel perhaps we’re not right for each other and I’m not sure I love him anymore, though I think he’s a good person. We don’t have much in common and when there was less conflict that didn’t matter so much (though I’ve wished we were closer in interests.
I find him very inflexible, often impatient and probably a bit autistic. At his worst he can sometimes get very agitated with me and at times I’ve experienced him as domineering, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3841133-Feeling-DH-is-domineering-Cant-face-it He has been trying to improve on this front and it’s got somewhat better for now, but I fear it’ll return when he hits another big period of stress. He’s felt more relaxed in lockdown as he likes the restrictions, and prefers working virtually. After the PM’s last speech about restrictions lifting he felt anxious (understandably), had a row about seemingly nothing with me then stormed out the house. We do also clash and communication can be really hard. Went to Relate before pandemic but didn’t feel it got us anywhere as he struggles with self-reflection. He would just give a list of ‘logical’ arguments why he’s right to the therapist when she was trying to look at underlying issues, just as he does with me. He refuses any therapy of his own to help with things he struggles with (which he doesn’t recognise).
I’m currently financially dependent as have been at home with our two young kids under 5. Have a job interview next week, but a part time position, not very highly paid. So am nervous about the future. I think I’m feeling I probably want to separate but feeling guilty like I’d be letting everyone down and causing huge impact to kids, who love their Dad. He’s close to them both.
Feeling really daunted by pandemic context for splitting up. have been wondering if it’s better to stay together as a family til it’s over. In any case I’d need to get my ducks in a row.
Just looking for any advice and some handholding really.