How to get over an historic broken heart

[heartbrokenfool]

I can't get over my first love. I'm married with two children to an incredible man I truly love, adore, admire, lust after, respect.

But like an old scab I can't get over my first love. He broke my heart in my early twenties and is completely out of my life in terms of contact, mutual friends and social media.

But I consistently think about him.

It's actually making me feel suicidal (I don't use that term lightly) as I can not stop these intrusive thoughts about him.

Aside from the broken heart he was an incredible person that I can't force myself to dislike.

A week or two may pass, and then I dream about him. Or see someone that looks like him, or his favourite food.

I want all of these thoughts and feelings to completely stop and nor do I or will I consider acting on them in any way.

But how can they stop, would therapy work? It's eating me up as I've been dealing with intrusive thoughts about him for years.

Yep: if you’re thinking suicidal thoughts it’s time to talk to your GP.

But what can a GP do when it's something so specific. This isn't a depression issue that drugs could help rebalance

Therapy would definitely work. Chances are it’s not actually him you’re obsessed with, but who you were when you were with him, and what your life was like back then. Please speak to someone ASAP and get some support.

It sounds more like an OCD type thing than depression - and the suicidal thoughts could surely be helped with medication. It’s just so...extreme.

@MarkRuffaloCrumble yes it is extreme. I don't need to be patronised. I'm trying to reach out for help

You need to go into therapy.

But your saying medication wouldn’t help, like this is not a mental illness problem, but one of love. Thinking about someone obsessively every day for years is definitely outside the scope of “the one that got away”. Drugs absolutely COULD rebalance this. But otherwise you need some very quick and strong intervention if you’re feeling suicidal about it. I’m sorry you found my post patronising. It wasn’t meant that way. Just that you are probably a little desensitised to exactly how far outside the bounds of normal this is, as it’s been with you for so long. I hope you can get some support

I was having crazy intrusive thoughts. I was prescribed anti depressants. After 5 weeks it was like a switch had been flicked and I was fine. Honestly worth trying. I was very resistant but wish I had done it sooner.

Thanks graffitiqueen I'm glad it helped with intrusive thoughts. I feel he has become like the elephant in the room. The more I tell myself to not think about him the more I do.
For a little more context - the breakup was very painful for me. No detail needed. But it's also the baggage of the breakup that haunts me and the reasons to why we broke up

The intrusive thoughts are most likely about something else that is going on with you. This is just how it is manifesting. Most likely nothing to do with your ex, also if you are feeling suicidal you need to reach out to someone in real life, family or a friend. Also go see your gp, arrange counselling, contact Samaritans. My close friend had depression and intrusive thoughts were part of it but the thoughts were a way of punishing herself, they were obsessive and took over her life at times. But she opened up to those around her and got help. She is fine now. It will pass, just go get help. You have nothing to be ashamed of as you can't help the thoughts. Can you talk to your partner, these thoughts really have nothing to so with your ex, there is some other mental health issue going on, you can overcome this, it will pass. Many people go through what you are going through. Look after yourself.

A GP would refer you for counselling/ therapy. Honestly, if you are thinking of ending your life this is beyond something you can deal with alone & you’re best seeking professional medical/ psychiatric help.

I know exactly where your coming from,I was with my wife for 23 half of them were pretty miserable. I met a woman after we split and fell head over heels in love with her. I didn't know what life was until I met her. Within a few months it was over and that was more painful than losing my wife, house, everything.
I had relationships after her but still can't get her completely out of my head. In the end I had to delete all contact with her and block her number. Sometimes I still pass her in the car and my guts go over and that was 12 years ago. Definitely get some help and talk it through. It's so hard for you especially being with a partner as it's the last thing you can discuss with them. You've done the right thing in reaching out. I can't even say it gets better in time as some days its just all consuming. Somehow when my phone contract changed over my settings must have changed and I got a random txt of her. Like a knife in the heart. Wish you well and get some help if you can.

Oh @Raidblunner that sounds so hard sorry you're still feeling this after so many years. I hope we both find our peace