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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Controlling relationship pattern?

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martha79 · 24/05/2020 19:27

I've just come out of a relationship where I felt my partner had become controlling - perhaps had been from the start. I've read and talked lots about controlling relationships and looking back there were plenty of typical signs and red flags. One thing that I haven't read/ heard anyone else mention is that, especially in the early days, my ex would tell me things that he said he'd "never told anyone else"... but he felt he could tell me. There was a little warning bell for me was when he later repeated one of these 'secrets' and said "I've never talked to anyone about this before, except for a couple of friends" (so not 'nobody' then).

I've had this "never told anyone else this" line in a couple of previous relationships - they both started very intensely and ended badly. I know it's a typical pattern of controlling relationships to be very full-on to start with, and for them to make you feel 'special' - is this part of that?

I'm very open-minded to people telling me things they might not share with the whole world, and I think I'm a good listener, but it seems quite an unlikely coincidence that several men found me the "only person I could ever tell this to"!!

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