I know its different for everyone, but just so that I have an idea of whether I'm being totally unreasonable, is it ok for your DH/DP to tell you to fuck off every time you have an argument?
It will usually start out with something small, eg yesterday he phoned me up (we don't live together) and said that he'd missed me. And that he was in a bad mood, because he'd just had to shout at his ex to fuck off because she wasn't helping him - I presume with tidying the kitchen after lunch, or helping with the DCs while he cooked etc.
I carried on with the conversation but he could tell that I was pissed off, and when he asked why, I replied that I didn't really want to hear about his ex hanging out at his house all the time, that it bothers me when I don't hear from him all day and then the first thing he talks about is his ex. It bothers me that he has her round for lunch all the time. He says of course its for the DCs, but it just seems ridiculous that she's still so involved in his life and after 8 years, I'm still on the outskirts.
FWIW this is what most of our arguments centre on.
For reference, she sees the DCs at his house every day, they rarely go to stay at hers any more. (She lives in the next street so its not a huge upheaval for his DCs to go to her house, but they just prefer it at his.) So she's there a lot.
I don't stay there anymore as I've always felt uncomfortable about the place. In the early days there were photos of them together all over the house, pics in every drawer (one of him holding her boobs in the bedside drawer) and I even found worn knickers in the bedside drawer once. Whenever I'm there she drops in, I surprised him one night by popping in on my way back from somewhere to drop something off for him, and yes, she was there at 11pm (with her BF) all having had dinner together together. There are always wine bottles there even though DP doesn't drink and her vaping stuff left there, and the house smells like her vape stuff. Its gross. Its like she still sees it as her home - in fact he talked about moving once and she objected "you can't sell the family home!"
I just feel like I don't have a place there. So anyway, when I point this out, he tells me I'm attacking him, that I need to chill out, she's not ALWAYS there, that its for the kids etc and then when I say I've had enough of hearing about her, hearing her loud annoying voice when he's on the phone, hearing about her mum, who's also always there, and that nobody else would put up with an ex being so involved in their relationship, he'll tell me to fuck off and hang up on me.
I know this isn't AIBU, which is why I'm putting it here, because I don't want a pasting, I just want to know if I deserve being told to fuck off on a regular basis because I object to his weird relationship with his ex.