Support please? Ending marriage in 2 weeks time.

[Rumpusinthejungle]

In two weeks, when my DSS goes back to his mum's, I am asking my DH to move out.

Things have been slowly getting worse over the past year, and the past six months in particular. It feels like we are living very separate lives. I'm not even unhappy, im just not happy, and I know that if I dont end it now we will end up resenting each other and in 10 years time it will end anyway and we will have wasted ten years. I also think out relationship is a bit toxic - we dont argue often but when we do it is awful and cant control our tempers and the children witness it and I dont want them modelling future relationships on this!

I still care about him and am doing my best to end it amicably so we can still be friends. My mum will be in the house for emotional support when I ask him to leave (and DS(4) wont be here for that conversation) and so that we dont end up in a screaming match.

If anyone has any words of wisdom or advice of any kind I'd greatly appreciate it! We have been together 8 years and married for 5.

Also if any former stepparents have been able to maintain a relationship with their stepchildren post-break up?

Oh and practical information - we have no shared finances and rent from my parents. Hence why I am asking him to leave (there is room for him at his mums) and not leaving myself.

My stepmum was married before my dad to someone who has a son from his first marriage. They are still very close - for various reasons, he has a much better relationship with my stepmum than his father, these days...

Do either of you have any assets/debts/superannuation/investments/cars? If so there will probably need to be a financial settlement. You're married so potentially some or all of your assets or debts could be considered joint. If there's no abuse getting legal advice and then attending mediation to try and reach agreement re financial settlement and how much time ds will spend with each parent are usually the first steps. Even if you both agree nothing will change hands if UK is the same as where I am you should still both agree to that on writing to make sure theirs no possibility he can make a later financial claim.

Im months off being ready to tell DH we're done, but Ive been trying to work out how to say we're done in a way that leaves him no room to manouver. He's very good at tieing me in knots till I end up agreeing to try again. I've been thinking of something along the lines of saying that our marriage is toxic and we need to separate for both our sakes. That I'm not prepared to try anymore.

No joint assets at all. Both have our own debts and I think we would both agree to keep them separate in a financial settlement. He has an IVA (which he did without ever discussing with me) so his debt repayments are now minimal so he wont want to take mine on. Cars are in our own names.

Contact will be difficult to sort out I think, but mediation will help that I suppose.

Fresh I'm the same, I've asked him to leave several times and he never does so I alk up and end up coming back because it's my family home. I'm still working on how to actually tell him it's over (there is no having a civil discussion with him, he will argue and fight).