hi,
its my 1st post been meaning to do it for a while but i suppose im scared of reading what i write. Was with my ex for 15 yrs - split twice before this final time - 2 kids. kept going back because of the children and i loved him. He has always criticized, myself or people around me, to the point where i only had my parents, he got my 6 yr old boy to call me "woman" (although my little boy started to refuse and said to him you say it daddy), has said to our 10yr old daughter she needs to have a better education as she cant do the same as a man can.
Constantly commented on my weight, cooking, house, when i wasn't working as i was taking care of the children, house and him stated what have done all day, we would have the "chat" every few months where i would sit and listen to all the things i don't do, such as pay him attention, if not happy then to leave, he will never leave me, its all my fault im moody, no fun, blah blah blah. (this was a 2-3hr chat on average)
So in the last 7 years he has bought a house in his name only explained this was because the bank wouldn't lend him the money he needed if he had dependents (me and the children), thought we were a team, so didn't mind, arranged to get married 1 yr ago all booked and paid for dresses bought etc (my family paid) for him to want a prenup as i had left him 7 yrs prior, and he didn't want me to take half the house, said yer no problem, phone call to solicitor found out it would mean nothing as the house was bought after we had kids - he cancelled wedding 6 months before date! anyway stayed for the kids even though this hurt me terribly, more comments and " the chats".he paid most of bills ( i contributed as much as i could with no income or allowance), i always did the food shop when he was working so he gave me his card to do this, but he then stopped that as i was "spending to much" i then started to look at things differently, we weren't a team, i had nothing after 14 yrs, so was totally reliant on him, so i started to save a little,
Then when my youngest went to school i got a full time job which i enjoy, started to feel like me, made some good friends. He told me my boss would take advantage of me working hard for crap money! plus so much more.
So covid19 happened hes not working, but i am, bans kids from seeing grandad, wont leave the kids with me alone in case i rang my father and let kids speak to him, asked for all my wages as he is not working - arguments follow but agreed to give him 3/4 (i was contributing before and buying stuff for house kids etc) - told that he is disappointed in me 1st for not supporting him with the grandad ban i should put him 1st, and for just not agreeing into giving him every penny i earn i a month into his bank account.
Anyway all came to ahead 3 weeks ago, he wanted my wage slip, pin for bank card to go and get a statement - this was final straw, told me to F**k off and hes keeping the kids, but i managed to leave with my 2 children and 3 bags of clothes, arranged to collect all my and childrens stuff, asked for stuff that i paid for or family had gifted - all i got was rubbish from attic, no beds for children, and some clothes. he kept everything that was worth something, so i now have to pay for a whole house of stuff to make a home for my children. in his deluded mind he has convinced himself i left for another bloke, even though i said his actions and decisions are the reason we are where we are now.
i have made arrangements via solictior (informal agreement), for him to have weekend contact, but after the way he has behaved im scared to death he will take my children as thats all i have left he can use to hurt me. there is so much more but this post is long enough, i feel frightened, scared, unsure but most of all worried for my children.
any advice?