Thinking of asking for trial separation.

[Minerbird]

Hi

Sorry if this turns out to be long but I’d rather not drip feed.

We’ve been married 21 years. I’m from the uk and my husband is from overseas. We have 3 adult children. We aren’t rich but are well off; we have financial interests in 2 countries which may complicate things.

My main issue is that my marriage has felt like one long ‘competition’. If I say it’s white he’ll say it’s black. He is very opinionated. He doesn’t respect another’s opinion unless they have done as much reading/research on that topic as him. I have always been attracted to intelligent men and I think when we met I was young and thought he knew everything. Now I’m just tired of it.

A few examples:

• We voted differently on Brexit. He told our eldest he couldn’t believe he’s married to someone who would vote ‘that way’.
• He told me the only way to fix things between us was for me to change my opinion on Brexit.
• He often walks ahead of me. I’ve asked him numerous times not to, but he says I’m the one with the problem for not liking it.
• He thinks he’s smarter than all politicians etc. and often sits there swearing at the tv, calling then ‘fucking cunts’ even though I’ve asked him loads of times not to (yes I do use bad language myself - his behaviour just seems weird and unnecessary).
• Most recent (1 week ago): I told him I feel disheartened when he disagrees with me all the time. He denied it, then has ignored me since. When I asked if I was being ignored, he said yes, and if I truly believe he does that, then why are we even married? This feels like gaslighting to me but I could be wrong.

I truly believe if we separate he will try and screw me over financially. He has all the financial control and has hinted he would screw me over in the past if we split.
We’ve been at this point (me thinking of calling it a day) about 3x over the last 3 years.
Is it worth carrying on like this? I am not currently working and have no assets of my own so it would be hard for me. Covid = worst possible time to split and look for a job etc.
Thankyou for reading this far.

Are you in love with him still?

I don’t think so Melissamum.

I think it's obvious you need to leave , OP. Talk to a solicitor - they operate over hte phone and will re=open soon probably. Men like this love to threaten you with financial 'screw-over' but if you have three kods, he simply can't leave you with nothing.
You know very well that you will leave eventually and all you aer doing is prolonging the misery and wasting your time (years).

(sorry for typos - well past my bedtime).

Oh and nwhat's the point of a 'trial'? You know there is no love left as ou say, so financially it will be much harder for you to last during this trial, and I can't any benefit emotionally speaking, he's NOT going to change at his age!

You mentioned financial interests in other countries-without him knowing,get copies of as much paperwork as you can now
I'd also start syphoning off money (amount wise,nothing too obvious ) and hide it somewhere safe for when the time to leave is right for you-it'll happen!
Also,don't leave the house ,if it happens sooner rather than later.
If he threatens you in anyway,call the police tell them you're scared and they may remove him.
Don't waste your life with someone who doesn't enrich it-I did for 25yrs and wish I'd ended it all sooner.
Good luck 👍

Thanks for replies so far.

Does anyone know if a court ruling in the uk applies to assets overseas?

I think it does apply for property but you'd have to pay that country's tax there when selling - and I'm not sure if this applies to all countries or only the EU (so fa), I mean re court orders.
Best to have a free phone consultation with a solicitor.

Thanks

Get to a solicitor first to ask advice. Once you have more information decide how you want to go about splitting.
Do not mention anything to him until you have a plan in place.
Do not ask for a "trial" separation.
It's over. I can tell by your post and updates.