Name changed for this and I going to be very honest here.
My DP and I have always had a volatile relationship spanning over 16 years. We have periods where we can work together and periods where we are shouting, swearing and blaming each other for everything. It gets so heated and we say nasty things to each other. In the past we have been violent with each other too. I have anger issues, and I don’t know where this comes from.
We have a 2 year old and although we work hard to shield her from the above, I know eventually this will impact her. I don’t want her to grow up thinking this is a healthy relationship. He rarely spends any quality time me. I feel we share household chores and child care. I am the higher earner and own the home and pay most of the bills.
As it’s been like this for 16 years, I don’t think our relationship will ever change and I’m tired of it. In the past we have separated a number of times and then ended up back together, promising to try harder but always failing. I’m so unhappy. I am too ashamed to tell anyone in RL how bad my relationship can be and everyone thinks I’m ‘hard work’ and DH is a saint anyway. I have asked him to leave but he doesn’t and I would never call the police, although I appreciate this is an option.
I feel really suicidal today and I don’t want to do this anymore. I have tried counselling in the past but this has never helped. They are often timid and I need a counsellor who is going to challenge my thinking rather than just listen.
I just needed to put this out there. I don’t know what I’m expecting really. Of course I know people will say we need to separate, this is bad for DD etc.