I want to leave

[WantToLeaveButItsHard]

DP and I have been together for six years. I have a child from my first marriage. Our relationship was incredible for the first two years. I hadn't had many relationships before him so I thought he was amazing. Then we went stale at the two year stage, and tbh we've never recovered since. We broke up at one point and I was heartbroken. I jumped onto online dating to cure my broken heart and met someone who was utterly wrong for me (and I knew it) but the most beautiful man I've met in my life. So I soon forgot about man A. Man B got bored of me and dumped me. To my shame I then allowed man A to take me on a date and we fell back into being together.

I know I did wrong getting back with man A just because I was heartbroken and didn't want to be alone. I don't think I will ever learn this lesson.🙄 I do think that since getting back with man A we were on a hiding to nothing. Do you think once a relationship has gone bad that it will never be easy again? That it will take effort to stay together? Before we split I would have done anything for this guy.

We have been back together for years but keep falling out every week. Sometimes when we argue he blocks me so I can't leave the room if I want to. I know this seems minor, but as a man he can leave whenever he wants. As a woman, if he wants to overpower me to keep me in the room he can do. Also, he jabs his finger in my face while he's shouting at me. I never do anything similar to him. I can't explain it, but there's loads of examples where I feel overpowered and like I can't do the same to him.

I feel really sad that it has come to this, but I fantasize about a small house that is just my own.

Make the fantasy a reality.
Make a list of what you need to do ie.
Save deposit
Check rental market
Sort bank accounts
Cost furniture
Etc
Then gradually check of items on your list until you are in your own home

@Weenurse
I've done all of this (apart from furniture..I've not thought that far ahead). I should be able to buy a house.

But my question is more am I doing the right thing or not? I've been through a divorce before, so you'd think I would be a pro at this! I don't know if I should be trying to make it work or not. DP says even though we fall out every week we need to try harder. With my ex husband we hardly argued, so this seems ridiculous to me and is not something I want to put up with. We get on really well and co-parent really well because we've never fallen out or even had bad arguments with each other.

Leaving is 100% the right thing to do. This man is abusive and your relationship is utter shit and think about the example you are making for your child. Get out as quickly as possible, block him from your life and start making better choices.

Thank you @Aquamarine1029
Which part of my post makes you think he is abusive?

Which part of my post makes you think he is abusive?

Which part of your post would make anyone think he isn't abusive? He blocks you from leaving a room, he shouts and jabs his finger in your face.

I can't explain it, but there's loads of examples where I feel overpowered and like I can't do the same to him.

He purposefully intimidates you and subtly threatens you with his behaviour.

HE IS ABUSIVE and he will probably get worse.

I also thought he was abusive when I read your post for the same reasons as @Aquamarine1029

A relantionship takes work. Even the best ones, you both have to be willing to work hard to get to a good place. No matter what relantionship you are in this will be the case. Also there possibly is bad communication between you both which has resulted in bad times, work on your communication. This really is key to a good relantionship. I find people on mumsnet are too quick to jump to ending a relantionship. All relantionships take work, it's just whether or not your willing to do the work that's needed

I find people on mumsnet are too quick to jump to ending a relantionship

Not when he is physically abusive as in if he wants to overpower me to keep me in the room he can do. Also, he jabs his finger in my face while he's shouting at me.

Would you accept that in a relationship Curious200?

I certainly wouldn't and I certainly wouldn't advise OP to "work on it".
It only gets worse. Believe me, I've been there (and out of it, thank fuck).

Sorry I didn't read the whole message, just the first paragraph.

Of course if there is physical violence its a big no no

He’s a bully and relationships with constant arguing is not a good place,you would be better off mentally to be single.
As a man I can say what he’s doing is abusive and he has no idea how to control his emotions if he tries to dominate you physically.
He needs to own his own shit and not finger point,force you to stay in a room.
This will only get worse I feel

“Leaving is 100% the right thing to do. This man is abusive and your relationship is utter shit and think about the example you are making for your child. Get out as quickly as possible, block him from your life and start making better choices”

This. And spend some time being splendidly single and just concentrating on yourself and your DD.

@WantToLeaveButItsHard

Sometimes when we argue he blocks me so I can't leave the room if I want to.
As soon as I saw this I thought "Oh No!" Preventing you from leaving the room and getting to a calmer space is already a couple of steps up the ladder to him getting violent with you. He is intimidating you - didn't this frighten you? Where was your child when this was happening?

I know this seems minor,
It's really not.

but as a man he can leave whenever he wants. As a woman, if he wants to overpower me to keep me in the room he can do.
Please reread your comments again. ^^. How did you feel when he was doing that? How often has he done that?

Also, he jabs his finger in my face while he's shouting at me.
His intimidation is ratcheting up. How far will he go next time?

Do please get yourself and your child out of there as quickly and as calmly as you can. You are fortunate not to depend on him financially nor have a child together.

Make arrangements to get yourself safely and calmly out. Do you have somewhere you can stay whilst you sort out new accommodation?

When you leave take all your important documents (legal, financial, birth certificates, passports etc) with you.

Once you've left delete him from your contacts/life and don't be persuaded to go back to him "to try harder".

Good luck OP. Stay safe. 🌹

You can leave any relationship any time for any reason. ‘I want to leave’ is reason enough in itself and you absolutely don’t have to try harder if you don’t want to.

In this case you absolutely shouldn’t try harder and shouldn’t stay because as PPs have pointed out he’s a bully, he’s intimidating you and it’s abusive. Blocking you from leaving, shouting and jabbing his finger in your face is NOT minor, and it will only escalate from there.

Leave, for your own sake and your child’s. Maybe look at some counselling or otherwise working on yourself to a point where you’re happy and confident alone so you don’t fall into relationships that aren’t going to make you happy. But that can come later - for not focus on that fantasy of a house that’s all your own, peaceful and calm where nobody can stop you from leaving and nobody can shout at you - then make that a reality. It’s within your power x