Why am I having these feelings?

[Canon600d]

apologies for the long post but I desperately need some advice! Long story short I have been with my DH 11 years. We met at college and got married at 18 (yikes, young I no!) . He was my first and only ever boyfriend and I absolutely adore him. We have a happy marriage, 2 absolutely bonkers children and I cannot really complain about the life we have made together.
HOWEVER I recently moved into a new building at work and have started working with a new male colleague. Now he is NOT my type at all and if I ever walked past him on the street I wouldn’t even give him a second thought. But after working with him for 4 months now I cannot get him out of my mind! We have this insane chemistry that I never really believed in until I felt it with him. I no he likes me too and the sexual energy between us is so powerful. He is slightly younger than me, not married and no children. His personality and looks are completely opposite to DH and I just cannot understand what it is about him that has got such a powerful effect on me. I don’t no what is wrong with me. How can I feel like this? I love my husband and never in a million years would I want to hurt him or what we have. I feel like the worst human and hate myself but I just cannot help the way I feel. I have worked with Other male colleagues throughout my entire career and never had this before. Even on nights out I would never ever dream of looking at another man. But there is something about him I can’t explain. I no I am playing a dangerous game but I am so confused as to why I am feeling like this and don’t really have anyone else to talk to. Can someone please give me some perspective on this or even give me a good talking too so I can get my head out of my arse!! So sorry for the long post. Hopefully someone out that can give me some advice on how to quash this! Thank you in advance xx

Just avoid this guy. It won't end well. You will end up cheating on your husband and ripping your family apart.

Don't indulge this. The feelings will only get stronger, run while you still can!

Are you a bit bored at home? Has it gone a bit stale? Maybe you need to talk to your DH about spicing things up a bit or reconnecting (not mention work colleague obviously).

Beware of FOMO. Just because you’ve only had one partner doesn’t mean you’ve missed out on anything. if your DH makes you happy and satisfied etc then great. Lucky you for finding it first time around.

I think you should ask yourselves why your eye is wandering now. Has anything changed in your relationship or your life or just in yourself? Start there and see where it takes you.

Agree that you should avoid this man and not indulge in contact to feed the fantasy. It will only get worse.

Just picture kissing him and your husband finding out and having to lose your marriage and tell your kids. Then think what you would give to be where you are now and be able to take it all back.

Stop all contact before you regret it.

Avoid.

Listen to what this is telling you about your life.

Everything you can to separate yourself from this man. So contact as much as you can. Ask to move teams or desks or whatever. My husband didn't and even though nothing physical happened house obsession was enough that he's now living in a rental house on his own and me and the children are desperately trying to keep our lives together in the family home. I wish her walked away before he got in too deep but I don't actually think he wanted to.

So make the choice but know that that's what you're doing. Choose the life you've worked for all these years or choose the unknown with the full understanding that it will quite likely be awful and not just for you.

*stop contact

You have insane chemistry and you know he likes you too?

If you are in emotional affair territory, you are already cheating. How would you feel if your DH was connecting with and lusting over a female colleague?

You are playing with fire and are in danger of shattering your family. Strengthen your boundaries and disengage from this man asap.

God you are all so right. I don’t no what the bloody hell is wrong with me!! I need to get a grip and stop acting like a school girl. Just the thought of losing everything makes me feel sick. I have known I needed to stop flirting back with him Since day 1, it was only making the situation even messier for me. Thank you all for your responses. I knew what I needed to do, I just needed to hear it from someone else first. I no that sounds bloody ridiculous but it’s true xx

There's nothing wrong with you, these are normal feelings.

But what do you mean by you are "playing a dangerous game"? What are you doing?

@RainbowFlowers thank you for your response. I just meant by flirting back with him and being overly friendly is a dangerous game. It can only lead to one thing and I don’t want that! I just couldn’t understand why I was feeling this way or why he has such a powerful effect on me.

The more you talk about it the more real the thing will become, just ignore, shut up and it will pass.

Everybody may get this kind of feelings from time to time, it doesn’t mean you have to act on them and definitely doesn’t mean either that you are made for each other, meant to be, whatever, just that you are attracted for some strange combination of hormones.

If you have to work with him you can't really run away from him can you but accept its just a crush everyone fancies someone at some point as long as you don't cross the line your not doing anything wrong. I expect it will pass. If you have no choice because you work together, try and just friendzone him, mention your husband in conversation so hopefully he won't make a pass and i'm sure he isn't perfect chances are more you get to know him, he will have flaws that you wouldn't like.

Just picture kissing him and your husband finding out and having to lose your marriage and tell your kids. Then think what you would give to be where you are now and be able to take it all back.

This is hands down the best advice I have read on here.

Like you I was married at 19 and we're 15 years married this year. In 2010 I moved to the UK during the recession and commuted to Dublin twice a month. Met a guy completely opposite to my DH really nice and he smiles. I'm very anti smoking as well. We got friendly flirty partly I was bored being away and he took it upon himself to show me the town and I even went to watch him play football ha! And he was two years younger than me. We started flirty with each other without realizing it and when it dawned on me what was happening I was horrified as he had a girlfriend. I put a stop to all that, no texting outside of work and no meeting up alone, all that. Was t nice and I tried to not make it obvious that I was avoiding him and I'm sure he did his best too. Thankfully nothing happened and I moved back to Dublin soon as I got a job. Funny it is almost 10 years ago and I was 23, so no what you're experiencing is normal that doesn't mean you should act on it!

I'm surprised this is your first crush. You've gone ages without one! We always want what we can't have, and you'll realise pretty damn quickly if you did 'get him'; that it wasn't what you wanted after all. And, then it's too late. Divorce with children is massive. A long long process where the reality kicks in.

This is a massive crush, and you will be able to overcome it in time.

In the meantime though, it is highly likely that you may have 'mentionitis' and your DH could pick up on it. Never, ever, talk about this colleague at home. Just don't.

It sounds like you feel strongly validated by this ego boost...and are attracted to the feelings about yourself engendered by the flirtation. By participating in this illicit ego massage you are actually devaluing yourself and making a mockery of your DH and your marriage.