Did your casual relationship ever become serious?

[ColdForFive]

I saw my casual for the first time in 8 weeks, and it just felt like everything had changed.

We've only known each about 4 months, and not seen each for the past two. Before, I'd turn up at his late, we'd drink and DTD until late in the night. We would cuddle and chat in between, but nothing heavy. I'd leave in the morning - sometimes he'd drop me off on the way to work, other times I'd drive back/ get a taxi - depending on the situation. Nothing more.

Yesterday he turned up quite early in the evening - brought food and drink (already unusual). We sat outside for hours just chatting - about everything. Childhood, exes, friends, etc. The things we don't normally talk about. Ended up cuddled up the sofa continuing to chat. Went to bed together and stayed there until lunchtime - just talking, cuddling, dozing. He was super affectionate - I mean he's always affection anyway but more stroking, forehead kisses, hand holding, etc. Asking me what I'm thinking about, why I'm smiling, etc.

He seemed reluctant to leave. Left something of his here - realised when he got to the car and said he's pick it up next time. When I used to stay at his, he always made sure I hadn't left anything.

He text me today to say he had an amazing time with me instead of the normal 'great night' type messages.

I'm not sure how I feel about it right now. I'm not even sure why something might have changed - we've only text occasionally anyway, though I have been sending him funny anecdotes of my life. But it did feel very different. And I suppose now I'm a bit wary of it reverting again. Or perhaps I've completely misread all of this. I don't know what to make of it.

I am seeing him again early next week, so I will gauge it from there. But did anyone ever go into a casual and find it just morphed into something more serious?

I'm not in the UK, by the way, before the lockdown question comes up.

Similar to your story, met him on tinder and it used to just be drunk hook ups, he was always adament he didn't want a girlfriend or a relationship so we ended up getting married instead and now have a 10 month old 😂😂

DH was a one night stand, in 1983.

My DH was a one night only/short term thing when we were both single... Somehow ended up married with two kids 14 years later...

I think that casual (as in taking it slowly) is the best way for a long term relationship to begin! Then see if it develops. (But not casual as in one or both of you are sleeping with other people.)

Most of my relationships sprang up from a "one night thing". They never seemed to take off from dating.

I met my DH at uni - we both said it was casual and he very clearly said he wasn't looking for anything serious.

Hasn't been plain sailing. He did quite well at not being serious! It was a couple of years before I met his parents. Four years before we moved in together. Had our first daughter after 12 years and married after 15! Now expecting our second daughter

Me and my dp had just come out of serious relationships when we first started “ seeing “ each other.....5 years later, a house and our first baby due in 4 weeks I know this sounds really soppy, but I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else now but then again op, I can understand your reluctance I had massive reservations at the start. Have you recently came out of a serious relationship yourself?

Friends to FWB, back to friends for about 7 years, back to FWB, then couple, now married for 3. Took about 18 years in all. Lol

@summerbaby2020
Yes! I was with ex-DP for 10 years. We split 6 months ago, so I didn’t want to pursue anything serious. Now I’m just confused by it! But I do like him. It suddenly feels quite complicated. But I don’t want to ‘invest’ it I’ve misread the signals here. I don’t think I have.

Yes, as with other posters it took a bit of time. Met when I was 23, it was never meant to be a serious thing however we got married at 30 and now due a baby come October.
My only advice is take your time and be slow to take down your walls/barriers/whatever you want to call them and look for consistency in his behaviour either way. Oh yeh and of course whether or not you want/or are ready if it does become serious! Good luck

One night stand turned fuckbuddy now beeen together for 11 years married with a toddler

Maybe something to consider... if you’ve both been home alone in lockdown for 8 weeks, it maybe a reaction to that. Perhaps just see how it goes after a few weeks before you start questioning what’s going on.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder, best thing to do here is remind yourself it's just causal and see how things develop after lockdown.

Be careful, it could be a reaction to him not having physical contact in a while. If it happens a few more times and hes consistent then maybe hes changed his mind. I have a FWB and sometimes I get mixed signals but he always reverts back to super casual in the end.

Thanks everyone. I was thinking he might just be feeling overly eager due because he’s been lonely.

I’m not ever sure if that’s what I want anyway, but I do like to muse about it. No hurry - I’ll just enjoy my time with him next week and see where it goes.

It is interested though seeing how many people have found their partners through casual dating!

Yep 8 years later...

Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's unusual times and he won't have distractions of a busy life socialising and going out to work. So you are right to be wary. Let it happen naturally and I wouldn't read too much into it at the moment. It does sound like you connected more though. He may have had a change of heart or may just be bored and lonely.

My BFF has been in a serious relationship for 4 years with her on /off FB of 30 years. He's always been the love of her life and it turns out she his, although I suspect he matured and changed his priorities as he got older, he's 50 now. BFF has almost grown children from another relationship, he has none. She didn't wait for him and wouldn't have her lovely DC if she had settled. He was always fully focused on her and kind when he was with her but would disappear for months and say he didn't want a relationship.

It's anecdotal and not what usually happens - if someone stays casual with you it's because they don't feel an overwhelming love or need, to want to build a life with you. They're not invested and life would be poor being put second or 7th all the time, to work, friends, hobbies, their unshared life..
It would slowly take you apart inside.

I want to keep my fingers crossed for you if you really like him, as it could work out wonderfully, but also think you are right to protect your heart.

I cross posted!
OP, it sounds like you have a healthy attitude and great self esteem. It does sound fun and a little bit thrilling!

I hope other share their stories too. Most PPs who had casual that stayed casual won't think to volunteer that, as it's the exceptions that stick in your mind.

Oooh have you ever spoken to grandparents or great aunts about the love of their lives or relationships they had during the war? It was similar for being unusual times (but far more dangerous), intense emotions, international crisis, worldwide restrictions. My great aunt told me many stories of her and her friends during the war, the minx!!! She told me not to settle down too early (my then boyf wanted to get engaged aged 18) and she talked with such passion about the fun she'd had - oh the American airforce men...!!

Once and when we split he said he’d assumed we’d be getting married. But a dear friend of mine did refer to my (extremely hard work, aged 19, persuading him we were serious) experience as a ‘triumph of persistence over probability’.