Partner drinks but you dont - views/thoughts?

[McD45]

Hi, wondering what your views/thoughts are on this as its one of those things where I am unsure what to think as I am the opposite socially of my partner when it comes to drinking.

I am not really a drinker, if anything I can drink say 2 glasses if that of wine a week and I am gone, (oh boy cheap date here), I am hugely into my fitness, wellbeing and generally never really been that bothered about it really, my parents are the same, in fact never seen them drunk and we are all very active/fit and lead a healthy life where one glass a night with dinner is enough for us all......however my friends binge a lot at weekends, but still great friends, nothing bad however I cant really go out or away with them as most of the time is in bars....so I tend to meet with them for coffee/dinner etc instead.... but my unsettling feeling or maybe its just my worry is my partner can drink, so can his parents too....

I have known this guy as a friend and he has just recently asked me out and we couldnt previously as I was with someone and so was he etc.

He is ex army and use to drinking he says, in huge quantities more so when younger, but can still go for it, and with his friends, he admits his parents are huge drinkers too and will down a few glasses, a few bottles over the weekend and some....I had a bad experience with an ex many years ago with drink and kind of put me off as well as seeing my friends in awful situations too....

I have been invited over for dinner/drinks in the coming months when this COVID shifts a little/changes, they have already said, "what she doesnt really drink, we will soon change that!", ...probably meant in jest but I am going to be honest and bite the bullet here and tell them I only want one or two....

This guy doesnt seem that fussed that I dont drink, but wondering if anyone has had issues with this with partners where one drinks the other doesnt really?
He treats me well, lovely person and known him a long time so are taking things slow over this weird time but I dont want to appear really boring because I dont drink like I am not accepted socially....sometimes an issue with friends and out etc!

Hi OP. I don't drink at all but dated someone for a very short time at the end of 2018 who gave me similar uncomfortable vibes. I'd go over for dinner & there'd be wine, cider or tap water because he'd "forgotten" that I don't drink. He invited me to a professional event & was quite upset that I'd not have a free drink. Eventually, I caved to pressure and had a few drinks, did all the stuff that had made me stop in the first place, felt terrible, etc., and although we split almost immediately, due to work stress and temporary shitty-life-syndrome it took me 6 months to get back to where I wanted to be.

The point being that, whatever your relationship to alcohol & your reasons or preferences for drinking/not drinking/enjoying a glass or two/taking a rain pass this time, they are your own & 100% valid. I would be very wary of dating anyone who made comments about me being teetotal & if nothing else, even if meant without malice, the "we'll turn her" comments get very wearing very quickly.

PS. As a PP has said, he's not actually pressured you to drink yet & he might not actually drink as much as feared. However, I agree that socializing with drunk people when sober can be excruciatingly boring & repetitive.

Some people on this forum have a bizarre view of the world where everyone and everything is abusive.
Of course he can drink and you can not drink and it won't be a problem. He can drink and not be an alcoholic and you can not drink and not be boring.
To me his friends just sound like typical "lads" but I can imagine that will get boring.

I think it's an issue if they see your not drinking as a problem and mock your choice, although you do drink. I'm teetotal as were both my parents. DH is furloughed and has a couple of glasses of wine a night but would never try to push it on me and it doesn't affect his behaviour. I will happily go out with him and not drink because he's not a lairy drunk, the same can't be said for some people we know. I choose not to be around them when they are drinking heavily.