I am in a difficult situation now and any suggestion is very much appreciated.
I have been with my H for 10 years and have two kids 6 and 7. We met online and when really met, I felt him responsible and honest so a few months later I moved to his town after graduation. At that time, we were tight on budget and I was new to the city so we chose to live together which is really wrong when looking back. Why? Because we lived together but I did not feel I was ready to have sex with him. In this case, we should have lived separately but we did not. With time went by, we tried to have sex , but each time, I was nervous and felt painful. I didn't have sex before and he did but just a few times. As a result, this kind of situation lasted for a long time. During this time, I found he contacted other girls and being flirty. I confronted him and he said he would not do again. Anyway, we got married bit still had problem having sex. It was not a nice experience for both of us. I was always anxious and he always felt turned down and frustrated. Finally, we made it and then we had children. During my pregnancy, he met other girls and ons a few times. I only found out this a few years later. After I gave birth to the 1st kid, he always blamed me and complained I don't know what he needs and asked to divorce. My parents were around helping me with the baby and they were heart broken. Both my and his parents felt we should not separate esp. the baby was so young so after consideration, we decided to carry on. Then soon I had the baby 2, and life seems to be busier and more stressful. I did not go to work since pregnancy and now it has been 7 years. During these year, he went to meet other girls and also found sex workers. We rarely had sex. I am not keen but I could if he ask for it. But he did not. He even did not look at me when talking to me. For about one year time, he used some very hurting words when talking to me. Nobody had ever talked to me that way in my whole life. I felt sad frustrated and I did not feel being loved. I don't mind working on our telationship but his attitude and behaviour made a barrier in my heart. I felt reluctant and felt he did not deserve it.
Then so many years past. From last year, he started using tinder etc to date and told me he missed so much in his life both on sex and in people interaction and determined to get it back. He believes this is not something he could find in me. I have been looking after kids for 7 years. I feel he look down upon me. I told him I sacrificed for the family and he said I did not have a job so all I could do is to look after the kids. There was no sacrifice.
We will move in August, he said I move with the kids and he want to be alone for some time. Maybe he will come back maybe he will leave. He also said he wanted to divorce. Only by doing this, could he improve himself and be better. The family restrain him from being a new self. He said he could not feel any motivation if staying with me because we did not match. I could not motivate him to be a better self. He also mentioned even if we don't separate, it will be an open marriage.
Now, I am thinking what I should do.
If he wants to divorce, can I have the children? What if he wants both or just one? I love them very much. They both want to be with me.
If I bring up the kids, how much I might get from our assets? He said half but I don't have a job and it's hard to find a job with two kids without some financial support.
They are in private school now. Will they be able to be in private school if my H says no. He did say he could not send them private after divorce.
Life looks hard for me as a single mum with two kids plus no job. I am thinking to to get a job. Any other suggestions are deeply appreciated.