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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Old anonymous message playing on my mind

7 replies

Confusedandalone2015 · 19/05/2020 22:55

Hi, I’ve been uhm-ing and ah-ing about posting about this for a while, however lockdown has caused old anxieties to come back into my mind as I’m not distracted by my normal life.
Around 2 years ago I received an anon message on Instagram from a fake account telling me that my boyfriend had cheated on me and to “ask him”. I had NO reason to believe that he had cheated, we lived together and were always very aware of where each other was and who they were with when socialising. When I received the message he hadn’t even been out with his friends recently and he doesn’t have any opportunity to go awol on his job and comes straight home after. (For example we use
Find my friends most days)
When i received the message at work I was shaking and responded asking who it was/asked for further proof, but they never replied or even opened my response. When I confronted him he answered my call in the car with his friends and seemed as confused as me/denied everything/said it must be someone meddling who has nothing better to do. I check his phone sometimes which is a bad habit of mine (I did this before this event happened and after) and have never come across anything suspicious, we are very close. I tried hacking into the fake account but the email address was mostly starred out and didn’t make sense.
I’m hoping this was just a malicious person hoping to meddle in our relationship and I never received any further messages or proof/nothing has ever been on his phone to suggest cheating.

do you think I can just move on and ignore this? I have no one else I can talk about this with and due to the vagueness I have never received closure.... thanks. Its been bothering me most nights since lockdown and I Can’t seem to mentally move on.

OP posts:
Lolliloo1234 · 19/05/2020 23:42

Lovely, people send random crap on Instagram all the time. I had a complete stranger call me fat completely out of the blue when I ran a food account with zero photos of me on it. It’s full of trolls and bots and fake accounts.

I would ask yourself though - why do you check his phone? Why does this bother you so much? I’m not blaming him or you as I don’t know you both personally but do you have self esteem/trust issues that perhaps need working on? Obviously, I could be completely wrong but maybe a thought.

Dollyrocket · 19/05/2020 23:57

Has something happened to make you feel like he’s lying?

Raidblunner · 20/05/2020 00:22

Unfortunately there are somethings we will never know the truth about however much we dig around and soul search.This sounds like one of them. Chances are given that check your partners phone you probably would have discovered something by now. Your best to forget it and put it back where it should be in the past.

Thingsdogetbetter · 20/05/2020 09:05

Did the message give his name? If it didn't, it's a well know trolling thing. They're not trying to meddle in your relationship per se - they have no idea who you are. Just pick random accounts and send messages for 'fun'.

Confusedandalone2015 · 20/05/2020 09:49

It had his name on, so someone we know obviously typed it but it’s just bothering me that I’ve never been able to get to the bottom of it.
I have discovered nothing on his phone ever that has suggested cheating, and he’s not the kind of person to have multiple accounts. He often shows me things on his phone/leaves it around so I think that helps to confirm there’s no actual evidence.
As for checking his phone, I’m quite a paranoid person with low self esteem, which is why this has affected me more than it might have with other people. I have never been cheated on before so it’s just my lack of confidence in my first long-term relationship I think.

OP posts:
AmeliaTaylor · 20/05/2020 10:15

I wouldn’t give this a moment’s thought.

If I wanted to warn someone anonymously that their partner was cheating, I’d give more info about who it was with and how I knew, send proof if I had it.

There are a lot of bored people around atm. Could be someone with the hots for him or something against you trying to cause you pain, or a total randomer who gets a thrill from this. Just let it go and don’t give it any further thought, if you have a strong relationship you’ll believe the man you share your life with over a random message online.

LovingLola · 20/05/2020 10:17

This happened 2 years ago??
I think you need to stop thinking about it.

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