Negative husband

[peonyfairy03]

How do you cope with a negative husband.

Live with DH (second marriage each) no DCs together he has 3 2 live in different country only has holiday time they live with ExW one lives close from a ONS Never been in relationship but hands on with that DC that DC comes EOW but hasn’t due to lockdown their choice as he’s a keyworker.

My two live with us they are teenagers. He’s not experienced teenagers his youngest is 7 and his older two are teenagers but they only come for holidays so it’s always fun times going out doing fun things ect.

My issue sorry getting to the point is he is always making comments about my 2 and giving me advice but to me it comes across as negative and critical and is starting to cause issues. Nothing major but things like well it’s no wonder they are tired of they sleep in late or not hungry at dinner probably didn’t have lunch till late it’s constant and really getting to me now. Obviously they are out of routine due to lockdown but I don’t see the point dragging them out of bed at 7 in the morning it will make the days really long. He moans they flit from one thing to another ie PlayStation to watching films To going on iPad/phone. He says he’s not being critical but to me that’s how it feels. He’s doesn’t do anything with my DCs I bring them up and do everything associated with them. Their dad is no longer alive so it really is just me.

None of his business, he's got no right to tell you what your DC should do. Can you tell him to back off politely.

Tried that and kind of said when you parent your children 100% of the time and they are perfect and do everything you say then you can criticise and tell me how to parent my children. Didn’t go down to well. He always text me things and is tone and language in text doesn’t come across very good.

Maybe explains why his ex and dc live far away...
Just thank him sarcastically and tell him if you need parenting tips you know where to come. ..
Cf...

Ask him to reverse it. Would he like you being passive agressive if it was his children.

and he is being passive agressive, even if he denies it.

I know but he doesn’t see it just puts it down to me being sensitive as it’s that time of the month. which it’s not he doesn’t see that he’s comments are hurtful and doesn’t matter if kids hear it. He says did him no harm his dad was in the army and treated them when he was home as if they were on the army. I beg to differ

So you tell him how you feel and he dismisses it and blames your hormones? You have got yourself a grade A gaslighting prick there.

I’d get rid of him tbh. I know people say ltb very easily on Mumsnet but he is belittling you and your snide about your children. And when he’s pulled up on it, he says you’re too sensitive about it?
Nah. Absolutely not. Don’t put up with that. You’re better than that.
Bad example to set your kids for relationships. It’s not going to get better.

When your children are adults, how will they remember Him?

I know if I could go I would when my DH died he left huge debts and I lost the house I’m still paying that debt of now and no one will rent me a house. I work and earn but nearly 40% goes to paying the debts off. Even if I UC I still would be in a poor situation.

When it’s good it is good and he doesn’t constant moan it’s just when he has anything to say about them it comes across as negative.

The kids like him he’s not nasty but doesn’t see positive in many things

He lives with your dcs but doesn't do anything with them?

I had a stepdad like that. It was absolutely catastrophic for my self esteem and I let boys do anything they wanted to me just for some attention

You live in the same house but he texts you criticism? Wanker.

I seriously think it’s because he don’t know how to be with teens when they were smaller he was fab always building things with them Playing but as they have got older he’s retreated.

He sounds a right tosser, blaming it on your being oversensitive and the time of the month? What a prat.

You're not selling him as a great partner - rubbish with your kids, sexist, etc.

I know it’s really hard he never say anything directly to kids and is pleasant to them but he just seems emotionally detached from them. I know he won’t love them like his own but it’s the constant negativity he has and nothing positive. Feel so torn but maybe I can try and see if I can get things in order to leave

I woud get your ducks in a row.
Debt you can manage - slowly but you'll get there.
Psychological damage to you and kids by a gaslighting prick is much harded to undo.

It sounds like a very dysfunctional household. If you all live together then you need to decide how to be a family. He can’t remove himself from a parental role and he can’t be told he has no say over the home he lives in. It will never be perfect but it can’t be non existent.

Is it always about the one issue? If so he will be like a dog with a bone until he is listened to. I’m not sure I disagree with a need for structure for the children. They will be living like this till September and beyond. Time to come off holiday mode.

That being said it doesn’t sound like you want to be there and without that you won’t commit to improving your relationship.

Tell him to f*ck off

My ex was like that .. get rid .. He's insecure and jealous of your bond with kids.