Man child husband

[sweetmaryjane10]

I don't know why I'm posting really apart from to vent. I've been with hubby 5 years married for 3 and we have a 2yo and one on the way

Hubby is a total man child which yes I knew in the beginning but as we both wanted children I figured he would grow up which he hasn't

Hes in a dead end job and won't change it. If I say this to him he either wants to work far away abroad whereas I don't want to it he wants to be a stay at home dad as apparently he can play all day. I told him it's not as easy as that. The country he wants to go to is so far away and I don't think he has the drive to put in everything he has each day for the job as it will be hard work. He's basically living in a cloud

We have to have separate finances otherwise we would have nothing. So we get topped up from UC which I use and save what I can from it and he gets paid and gives me a small amount then squanders the rest

I am hoping to get an evening job once the baby is here and is a bit older.

Hubby is just a child. He still wants to see his friends when he wants and I'm sure we are second best which I frequently tell him but he denies it

I don't want to leave as he can be very good around the house and my son adores him and I wouldn't want to only see my son half the time and Cos of hubby's lifestyle I wouldn't entirely trust him to be sensible with my son when he's older if we separated but all together I can keep an eye on things

I do love him but don't think I'm in love.

What made you attach yourself to him?

Let him be a stay at home dad and get a job full time. That will solve at least your money issue, if not your husband issue.

Do you work at the moment? Why does he have to get a better job when you don’t even have a job?

To be honest it sounds like you both want different things - you can’t change people! If he wants to travel and you don’t that’s already a problem - although If that’s what he wanted he shouldn’t have agreed to have a baby with you beforehand!

Unless you I can compromise somehow i don’t know what you can do to fix things.

He’s not even a dad yet and your already saying you don’t trust him with the child - seems a bit unfair

Sorry didn’t see you already have a 2 year old! Still though - Why do you get to be a stay at home parent and he can’t ??

Time to make some massive decisions. He's not going to change, so if this isn't what you want for the rest of your life, you need to make an exit plan.

He sounds like a dreamer who will never change. For Gods sake don't go for him being a sahp, you will be working and doing everything else including the fnances for the rest off your life.
Why you are having a second child with this guy is anyones guess.
He has a totally unrealistic view of working abroad and it's basically an excuse for nor doing better here, it's bloody hard work and he won't make the grade, he is terrible with money and it sounds as if he has no real interest in bettering himself.
My second husband was like this. I worked full time very long hours while he did low paid jobs and ignored all of my pleas to better himself by taking courses, going to uni or whatever and thought life was like living in a fun park where he could just spend our money.
He is now living in a bedsit £40k in debt because I am no longer there to curb his excesses.
if he is a sahp and you separate you can be sure he'll get the kids and you will be paying for his lifestyle for the rest of your life.