Why does this always happen and what's wrong with me?!

[Legallybleachblonde]

Well it's embarrassing really but, I'm 49 and STILL attracted to the 'bad boy'. It's ridiculous but it just happens and feels beyond my control even though I recognise the pattern and I can see it happening. When I mean 'bad boy' I mean men that are flakey; vague; let me down; cause me to constantly look at my phone in anxious anticipation and just completely take over my headspace like I'm a lovestruck teenager. Then, when I meet someone who is actually keen, I immediately retreat because I wonder what they're after and get suspicious. I also think they're interested in me because they haven't had much luck elsewhere. I'm not even sure if this is a self-esteem issue because I'm quite happy with both myself and my life (single with one DS5 and divorced 3.5 years) and I know if I write down what I want, it wouldn't be the traits of these men that are doing me no good. So, why am I still leaning towards them? It would be interesting to hear from people like me and whether they have managed to break the cycle. I suppose there is an element of caution on my part and I worry I could get hurt again or maybe I just haven't met the right bloke yet. Lockdown aside, I have a good social life and always busy with that plus work and being a Mum. This behaviour of mine is starting to get me down. Any advice greatly appreciated!

If you find the answer please let me know

The only way you'll break the cycle is counselling/therapy. Get a good one, has done wonders for me so far and I'm still mid work.

I think the adrenaline rushes and excitement that come from the ecstasy/misery cycle you go through with a 'bad boy' can be addictive, and you don't experience them in the same way with a more reliable love partner. So you might find Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood helpful. Also, it sounds like you may have some love addiction/avoidance addiction behaviour going on - running away from the people who are available and towards the people who are not. Pia Mellody writes about this in www.goodreads.com/book/show/323590.Facing_Love_Addiction . You might also find that helpful.

In the end, it's going to require 'brain work' to get over this. Your heart isn't going to overcome these habits on its own.

Good luck!

It’s a self worth thing. You need to acknowledge and affirm your self worth.

Are you worth someone that respects you enough to call when they say they will? Remember your birthday? Be upfront with you? Be open with you?

Are you worth that? It’s basic stuff, I’m pretty sure you are.

OP Im exactly the same as you, attracted to men who make me do the chasing, exciting, butterflies, let me down but give me scraps of their attention. I get hurt each time but still am drawn to them like moths to a flame. How to stop it I dont know, but you are not alone.

I think it's when you feel like you're not worth someone good.