Morning all, I hope everyone is staying sane at this time! I'm not really sure what I'm after here, but it's helpful to say things 'out loud' so to speak. Boyfriend and I have been together for five years and of late the bickering and arguments are unmanageable - we seem to be stuck in a constant cycle of a minor argument escalating into something larger, giving each other some space, coming to some sort of 'resolution' (more on this later) and then getting on like a house on fire until the next one. Unfortunately this is several times per week, and it is exhausting. Yesterday it all came out, tears were shed and we discussed the possibility that perhaps we just weren't compatible and just 'rub each other up the wrong way'. However, we both agreed that there was a lot of love left and we are desperate to try. Now my issue is that I don't just want to fall into the 'we will try harder' pit, without knowing what we are really trying (if that makes sense), and end up here again in a week's time. I'm so very tired of this cycle.
In my view what we need to 'try harder' at is basic communication. Partner is not a big talker, I probably like to talk too much. He struggles with the length of conversations, gets impatient and almost clock watches(?), sounds terrible. Our inability to actually resolve and move forward means that he enters a conversation with the mindset that 'x amount of time will pass and we won't be any further forward' which is obviously not conducive with actually moving forward. I know I need to work on this, and should not expect him to talk at length and explore solutions the way that I find helpful. I don't think the subject matter of the arguments is relevant, it's the fact that they spiral due to frustration of not being able to communicate our points. I find it very easy to talk about the way I'm feeling, he doesn't and gets very frustrated with his emotions which ultimately results in anger/frustration no matter what the underlying emotion was in the first place.
I guess I'm asking for any tips, for either party, when it comes to communicating. Or whether anyone has been in this situation, where you love each other a lot but just can't get on? Did you/could you resolve it, or were you happier to leave for the sake of the other persons peace and happiness?