Emotional abuse?

[SoggySocksAgain]

What would you describe emotional abuse as?

Someone that constantly has you in fear of talking? Someone that constantly blames you for even the smallest and meaningless of things that weren't you? Someone that makes you feel lonely? Makes you feel isolated? Makes you feel worthless? Or am I just sensitive?

Those are all emotional abuse yes. Maybe not makes you feel lonely on its own as that can be your own perception or not done on purpose

For me, it was having someone purposely flirt with a woman in our family home (after I'd just had their baby) whilst looking at me to get a kick out of it, and for them to then say that person is just a friend, we shouldn't be together if there's no trust, and that he wouldn't cheat but if he was going to, he'd leave me. Then he'd repeat the same behaviour the following week and for weeks after that.

That same person told me my lady bits looked like a hacked kebab after giving birth and the proceeded to heave a few times. The same person would also refuse to take pictures of me but took a beautiful picture of his flirt friend holding our baby like she's the mother and bought it for her for Christmas, cooing over it in front of me, and then bought me a cheap empty mummy frame.

@RLEOM I am so sorry you went through that. Thats is horrible. I hope you find happiness. What a pig.

**

My partner is older than me and we have a child together. For years he has worn me down with his moods. He is so grumpy. He is so negative. I used to be a really fun, bubbly person and now I feel like a shadow of my former self.

He never spends time with me (for years). It feels as though he purposefully avoids me. He doesn't look at me when I talk to him. We hardly talk now and on the occasions I do try to talk, his facial expressions and tone instantly make me feel like I should shut up.

I am told I "just launch into a conversation" when he is doing something. Or I talk when he is watching TV. I am basically made to feel as though it is inconveniencing him anytime I try to talk. I am not talking about constantly talking - I feel like I just sit quietly most of the time now out of fear of upsetting him or causing an argument, or worrying I will feel awful again when he shuts me down.

I went to speak to him the other evening about something important - it wasn't a convenient time so I left. When he came in, again I tried but I was told he was watching something. This is about my work pay - very important when he takes almost all of my salary a month.

He spends no time with our child yet when we fall out he is all over her as though to make me look bad.

He has an older child who doesn't get on with her mom. I have hand on heart tried my best to support his child - tried to support with the emotional side of her life, helped moneywise, helped socially, tried to encourage them to get a job and help to try and do this - CV, applications etc.

They have no respect for me. I am expected to do all the housework, even after cooking a lovely roast meal they will all get up and leave the table expecting me to do all the tidying. For further info, I am recovering from a serious injury so I am not even 50% back to fitness.

Everything is blamed on me. Even the smallest of things. Yesterday he told me to be quiet when I hadn't even spoken, he just thought I had.

Tonight it all came to a head and I just broke down. I cannot take this any longer. I don't really know what to do with the lockdown situation. I'm just at a loss.

He tells me it's all in my head but I know it's not. I felt like I was having a panic attack tonight it has just become too much.

I am sorry you’re going through that. My partner isn’t as bad as this (I have a recent post on here regarding my situation) but I do understand the ‘grumpyness’

Is he work stressed at all?

It sounds to me, you are very unappreciated and taken for granted. ’Familiarity breeds contempt‘ my mum would always bloody tell me!

Are you able to sit down and have a conversation with him, in a quiet space to tell him how you feel?
Does he even realise you feel this way?

Can you give him a time limit, 6 months to see if he makes improvements before you leave him? You cannot lose yourself worth, because of how he is making you feel. You are a beautiful mother and do so much for your family. You should be able to yourself around him.

Him telling you it’s in your head is ‘Gas Lighting’ Behaviour. Making you think you’re ‘Crazy’

I am sorry to hear you're going through similar too.

To be honest this happens every few months a the same problems, promises of changing, making more effort. Happens for a couple of days and then back to this until I just cannot take it anymore.

I left for a week on January. To me it really was the final time. I had apologies, promises of change, tears. I came back believing he would change and he hasn't. I know now he will never change.

He has a problem with drink. He is only happy when he has had several pints. Until then he is the most grumpy, miserable person. I am walking on eggshells. Come 11pm at night he is ok to chat to, have a laugh with so long as he doesn't fall asleep! Urgh! When I read it back I wonder what on earth I am doing.

Well it sounds abusive to me. And light years away from how my dh treats me.

But it really doesn't matter if he passes a test of "abusive" or not. You are miserably unhappy with him and most women would be too. he is a drunk/possible alcoholic who is awful to you.

Why are you waiting for permission to leave him?

Yesterday he told me to be quiet when I hadn't even spoken, he just thought I had.

Just read this over a few times OP.

Is this how you want to live? Is this how you imagined your life being when you were a little girl? You know the truth. You know you are worth far more than living with this ... I don't want to write what I think he is. But you know what he is.

Imagine a life without him.

He tells me it's all in my head but I know it's not.

Hold on to that. It's your lifeline.

Have you seen the film Gaslight? It's on YouTube (in 5 parts). At least it used to be.

Please find an excellent on-line counsellor, to help you make sense of what you are going through.

You owe it to yourself and your child. Your future selves will thank you.

Why is he taking all your money?

Don't waste any more of your life with him
He doesn't even seem to like you very much