My relationship of a year has turned abusive. It crept up on me but I’d be stupid not to see it now.
He is absolutely lovely most of the time, but can be very controlling and unpredictable (never violent). This sort of behaviour has been ramping up over the last month or two to the point I can no longer hope it will go away.
I love him and believe his controlling behaviours come from a mixture of childhood abuse and insecurity rather than a need to dominate me, but the end result and effect on me is the same. He recognises his behaviour is irrational and unkind and is now starting therapy. He has apologised a thousand times but I think it’s too late.
I don’t know how to do this. I love and care about him so naturally don’t want to upset him but I can’t be in a relationship with him anymore. I’m worried about his mental health, which I know isn’t my problem ultimately but I worry all the same. When I’ve suggested an ending he’s called and/or turned up at my door in a state.
He’s not a bad person, just troubled and something about our relationship seems to have sparked a lot of insecurities for him.
I know it’s the only logical way forward, but I’ll miss him horribly and don’t know how I’m going to get through this. I’m suffering quite badly from depression at the moment which makes things more difficult.
I would appreciate some thoughts on how to end this in the least hurtful way possible, and how to cope with the sadness of losing someone you love deeply but that you can’t be with. My heart is breaking with this.