I'm so lonely, it actually hurts

[CryingAloneAgain]

I'm so lonely and I'm trying so hard not to mind and be content with myself, but I'm not.

I've never had a boyfriend, or kissed anyone. I feel like I'm see through.

It hurts. It actually hurts to go shopping alone, and running alone, and everything, always alone.

Everything is exacerbated at the moment OP, I feel for you and I can relate. No advice I'm afraid, but you're not on your own

You sound lovely. I'm sure there s someone out there for you . X

Thank you for all the lovely kind messages.

I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. I know it’s crap at the moment with lockdown and emotions are heightened, but you are still young.

You say you’ve done well professionally, has there never been anyone you fancy at work? Or could you ask someone you trust in your family or a friend to set you up with someone?

It’s horrid being lonely, but I think you need to push yourself a bit to get out there too. Obviously when everything is normal-ish.

This definitely isn't forever! A weekend without social interaction at the moment is enough to make anyone feel low. I remember moving to a new area for a job after I graduated and went from university life sharing with friends and constant company to living on my own hundreds of miles away and knowing no one and I was really lonely then. I forced myself to join various things including a tennis club and met someone there so I would suggest joining anything you fancy having a go at and see where that leads to. Obviously need to wait for lockdown to lift but start making plans and doing research. Am sure things will change for you XX

Please don’t cry OP. You’re young, it will get better 💐

Tinder

Or another dating site. That's how everyone meets now it will.happen x

Op, 27 was the first time I got into a proper relationship. I had "seen" two people before this but it didn't feel right and I called them off before things progressed. I was very sexually inexperienced at 27. My relationship just happened it was someone I knew and I couldn't believe it when I found out he had feelings for me... I, like you, had resigned myself to being alone as I also didn't want to go the online route and just didn't see it ever happening for me.

Life does throw you some curveballs!

My relationship lasted 3 years and although it's over I don't regret it. The reason I suggested online dating is I reluctantly started looking after my break up. I didn't really feel it and then one day last year a guy messaged me who stood out. We went on our first day pretty quickly and he is lovely. We are near to our one year anniversary now!

Don't give up but also the old cliche of love yourself first is very appropriate!

I have Tinder on my phone but every time I've used it to make plans he has disappeared or been suddenly unwell on the day of the date (four times in a row). I didn't find the messaging part too bad, but the ghosting really gutted me.

Thank you for all the lovely messages. I actually do feel a little brighter after my pity party

Where do you live op?

OP I’ve been where you’ve been and I’m now happily married. There is hope! I remember crying myself to sleep and also just sitting on my bed wondering how I could go on whilst feeling so heavy from the loneliness, it really is horrible. I was 30 when I hit rock bottom about it. I had lots of friends and a seemingly great life but not having a relationship was crushing me.

It works out differently for everyone, but for me the way out was to accept that I might never meet the right person. It sounds counter-intuitive but I think the constant let down following the hope of meeting someone and the waiting for that person was just getting me down too much. So I decided to just let go of that dream and work out what I was doing to do with my life on the assumption that I would never meet the right guy. Once I’d accepted that version of the future I felt surprisingly so much lighter! And I started to genuinely look forward to my new plan for the future (it involved a year of travel followed by moving to live near my parents and then adopting a child).

Then lo and behold, I’d just started making steps to make this happen, when DH fell into my life and the rest is history.

Keeping all my fingers crossed for your future happiness, in whatever form that might be

I don't have advice but just to say you arent alone you sound very similar to me apart from I'm 31! Good job, home owner, lots of friends and family but never had a real relationship just feeling very left behind on that front. I find the loneliness comes in phases sometimes content sometimes desperate for a real connection. Dont forget it's all amplified at the moment with what's going on and I'd be tempted to stay off apps until we can meet people again as the non committal chat that just trails off makes me feel worse!

Bumble and Hinge are much better apps. Get them downloaded today.

Sorry to hear you feel so crap OP. Enjoy and value whatever you can in your life as it is now and allow your feelings. I hope you find what you’re looking for in time.

Like pp mentioned do you go to any running groups or anything like that?
I hope you manage to find what you are looking for

Oh I do feel for you! Loneliness is so insidious - what starts out as 'enjoying your own company' can turn on you so fast.

Lockdown is really bringing this to the fore. I don't really have any suggestions for you - well, I have lots, but they'd all be things you've already considered and they'd sound patronising and rubbish - but, oddly enough, you are not alone in feeling lonely!

I didn't even realise I was lonely until yesterday, when my adult son turned up for a socially distanced chat (I shouted out of my window and he stood in the front garden). I cried for ages when he'd gone.

So, yes. Loneliness is horrible. Keep reaching out to people you know, it does help!

I'm pretty much in your boat but a fair bit older - two fairly brief boyfriends but nothing in the last eight years and I'm nearly 48. I've had a real problem with ghosting and almost ended up over-analysing my last message to see if it was something I said.

Then a male friend pointed out that blokes are actually human too, and have the same insecurities that we do. Some are twats, granted, but some bottle it and disappear, some find it hard to tell someone that they have met someone they're going to see how it goes with, some of them think they've opened up too soon, and some change their mind about dating. Some are married, some are players, but some aren't. The key thing is not to assume that just because you've been ghosted, that it's your fault. Sometimes it really is that "it's not you, it's me", and they, for whatever reason, can't bring themselves to tell you - hurting someone's feelings directly can feel a lot harder than deleting a profile or blocking someone, which you can do without making contact. It's shit, but it happens. You just have to put it down to experience and try again.

Keep trying with the OLD, I met my husband on POF at 27!

You should actually tell your friends and family you feel lonely? It's nothing to be ashamed about

I agree with this. Why are you ashamed? When I was single I was at times lonely but never ashamed.

Tell your friends you'd like to meet someone, join clubs, take up a new hobby but continue to enjoy your life.

I'm sure there are many reading this who are in awe of all you have achieved. And you are better waiting for someone decent. This board is full of people in great pain because of their current or former relationships. It's worth investing in them wisely and sometimes that means waiting your turn.

I'd also try online dating again. Get chatting with some men. Ghosting is to be expected for most people. Don't take it personally. Good luck!

I can relate to feeling lonely and I'm a lot older than you. I think lockdown magnifies it.

It sounds like you have got your life together and have lots going for you.

Most people experience rejection with online dating and yes it can be soul destroying and knock your confidence. I've been ghosted and it's not nice. Online dating is all down to luck so you never know when you will meet the right one.

Perhaps you could have a break from online dating and maybe have another go after lockdown.

As someone else suggested what about joining a running club to meet like minded people?

Take care

Definitely speak with family and friends - otherwise they might think that you are happy as you are, too fussy, asexual or not open or in denial about your sexuality. They are definitely the most efficient place to start. Also they may be v sad if your haven’t opened up to them about being lonely - as that’s something they could ease for you and would want to.