Blown it

[Willowmartha1]

Gutted, met the man that I had met a couple of times before lockdown for a socially distanced walk today with my daughter who he has already met and liked and as the walk was quite long she got fed up and started to moan a bit (she is asd) he then got knocky and annoyed and we headed back. Thought it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship when we first met now it looks like it's all over before it's really begun. Thinks he's realised that he's better off with someone who doesn't have children.

[Nikhedonia]

*sussed

[rosecreakybex]

You're very lucky

[Herpesfreesince03]

Op why the fuck are you introducing your daughter to a man you’ve just started dating??

[Nikhedonia]

Because that's what the Op said didn't she? It was the 5th time...

But who is to suggest that's rare?

and I'm saying that's about when I'd introduce them too

Fucking hell. I can't actually believe people would introduce their child to someone they were on a 5th date with. The impression I got from the thread was that the OP was a bit naïve and hadn't actually thought it through. I can't believe that anyone would properly engage their brain and still think it's acceptable or responsible parenting.

[Herpesfreesince03]

@rosecreakybex or it could completely fuck up a child knowing that they’re the reason their mum just lost their new boyfriend?

[Nikhedonia]

You're very lucky

In what way? That I met 3 people? That I found a relationship with the third person?

[Spillinteas]

The best nice if one one spoke to me’ is a huge whopping red flag and be so greatfull he waved it for you.

He would be incredibly jealous of your daughter, petty and immature.

Wave bye bye to that toss pot!

[PinkMonkeyBird]

@rosecreakybex your logic over getting to 5 dates and equating it to an 8 month mark is just...weird. What are you basing that on? Also kids meeting the new partner by the 5th date??

My kids met my DP after we had been together for 5 months, but they are adult DC and not small children. Also, we certainly had more than 5 dates by that point. However if my DC were young kids, they would not have been introduced to him for a very long time.

Also, as a child I remember my mother dragging us along to a succession of dates over the years with 'one of mummy's friends'. It was bloody horrible. Dating should be between the adults, end of.

[rosecreakybex]

@nikhedonia lucky that in a short space of time you met 3 men and liked two of them enough to get to the 5th date stage, and one of those have a long term relationship with. It's just not something I see often...

I'm saying it's rare to find many men that you want to have 5 or more dates with and therefore the posters clutching their pearls over a "procession" of men are being a bit dramatic.

I wouldn't articulate to a child that they were the reason the relationship didn't work out, obviously. It's more nuanced than that

[rosecreakybex]

Pinkmonkeybird- it felt kike 8 months was quite realistic but then when I thought about it, in 3 years I've inky got that far with 2
guys so it's actually more like 18 months ... maybe I'm not that good at it. Or too picky!

[Nikhedonia]

I'm saying it's rare to find many men that you want to have 5 or more dates with and therefore the posters clutching their pearls over a "procession" of men are being a bit dramatic.

No one is clutching their pearls. I'm pretty liberal but introducing my child to someone I'm on a 5th date with? Not a fucking chance. I'm not even sure I would have shown them photos of DD at that stage. At such an early point it's about getting to know them not the getting to know their child.

Do you understand that a child is most likely to be sexually abused by someone they know? And that abusers often prey on single women to get access to children. Call it pearl clutching if you like, but I'd call it being aware of statistics, having some basic parental protection and being a responsible parent.


I wouldn't articulate to a child that they were the reason the relationship didn't work out, obviously. It's more nuanced than that

You wouldn't need to say anything if you let your dating life to yourself.

[Nikhedonia]

*not them getting to know my child.

[rosecreakybex]

Okay we agree to disagree. I was merely pointing out that the "procession" isn't a real reflection of the situation.

And yes, I do know men prey on women with children for those reasons. I don't say I have children at all on any profiles and I have all my social media locked down. I'd never put my child in any danger like that.

[Spillinteas]

I think @rosecreakybex is getting a hard time. Dating when your a single parent is actually very hard and it’s down to everybody’s different set of circumstances.

I met dh when dd was 14. He was local as in the same village and after 2 dates started popping in for a cup of tea and chat after work then started staying over a couple of weeks later and just didn’t bloody go home.

We’ve been married ten years have two more children and own a business together.

We progressed quickly because I was at ease watching him around dd he - was every relaxed - and her behaviour towards him.

Op dd has already met this man on their first encounter. I don’t think she did anything wrong

Online dating is totally different. You don’t who they hell your really talking to so caution has to be stringent. You have to sift through the weirdos then find out if they are worth sucking around for then present your kids. Who they might hate or your kids hate them. Months and months of wasted time and emotions.

There isn’t a blanket rule that fits all.

[Nikhedonia]

Okay we agree to disagree. I was merely pointing out that the "procession" isn't a real reflection of the situation.

"Agree to disagree" what you are talking about is something that can psychologically damage children, introduces instability and uncertainty to their lives and potentially puts them at risk of abuse. But yeah let's agree to disagree, potato potato.

FFS. 🤦🏼‍♀️

And yes, I do know men prey on women with children for those reasons. I don't say I have children at all on any profiles and I have all my social media locked down. I'd never put my child in any danger like that.

And yet knowing that you would still introduce them to your child before you properly know them? Wild.

[Nikhedonia]

Dating when your a single parent is actually very hard and it’s down to everybody’s different set of circumstances.

Funnily enough as a single parent, I know that.

I just choose to put my DD's needs above dating needs. How controversial.

[rosecreakybex]

Introduce them... not leave them alone with them.

A predator will wait as long as needed. Sadly that could happen years in to the relationship .

I think you had a fortunate experience and that as PP says, it's not black and white.

[rosecreakybex]

The thing is, I believe I AM putting my daughters needs ahead of my darling life by making it clear relatively early on that we come as a package and to normalise the fact that dd is around and check he fits our family as a whole

[Googlemailsnail]

Nikhedonia I think you might need to take a breather. Not all men are child sex abusers.

Meeting up with a date with your child can be as easy as talking a walk to a park. Have you never met friends whilst out on a walk? Why would it be so different if some one five dates in which could span weeks or months. Multiple telephone conversations and decided to grab a coffee on the local beauty spot or park for a half hour chat/walk introduction?

A procession of men has an undertone of that there is a steam of men exiting the bed whilst the child is watching. It’s untrue and unfair

[Googlemailsnail]

A predator will wait as long as needed. Sadly that could happen years in to the relationship

I agree

[Nikhedonia]

Not all men are child sex abusers.

Please cite the post where I said they were.

[Elderhedge]

Red flags all over it. Yes he probably wouldn’t be the right person to date someone with a child if this is how he acts, but equally if you ended up with him and had his kids, he would probably show these self centred colours then as well. Sounds like a moody manchild dickhead much like my husband who i have now left because it turned out he deeply resented my daughter and our days had to revolve around his needs (and he didn’t show this when he met her, so be careful even if men who seem like they’re good with kids)

[AgentJohnson]

Everyone needs to calm down. Have a grown up conversation with him. Children are joyous PITA’s and other people’s kids are even greater PITA’s.

If he’s gotten cold feet, the it’s better that you know and at the moment you’re just guessing.

[rosecreakybex]

I think tho even if HE hasn't got cold feet, I feel like OP should

[Isthisnothing]

You haven't blown it op, he has! I don't see why you're getting such a hard time about him meeting your daughter again. It's not like you are talking about leaving them alone together or were being couply on a socially distanced walk.

But his reaction to your daughter was not good. Making snide remarks about his son being 17 is downright petty. Also, you saying you have blown it is worrying; your daughter's behaviour was typical of a child, he was the one behaving badly. Strange too that you are wondering did he what you to tell her off. Surely you are confident in your own parenting, don't be second guessing yourself.

I wouldn't be worrying about what he thought. I would be figuring out is he good enough for you and your daughter. From what you've posted I would say an emphatic no.