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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Blown it

119 replies

Willowmartha1 · 17/05/2020 19:59

Gutted, met the man that I had met a couple of times before lockdown for a socially distanced walk today with my daughter who he has already met and liked and as the walk was quite long she got fed up and started to moan a bit (she is asd) he then got knocky and annoyed and we headed back. Thought it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship when we first met now it looks like it's all over before it's really begun. Thinks he's realised that he's better off with someone who doesn't have children.

OP posts:

Report

Willowmartha1 · 17/05/2020 21:53

She's 8 but as previously stated he had already met her as she was with me when we were introduced by my nephew.

OP posts:

Iamthe1andonlyyyyy · 17/05/2020 21:59

Well too early or not it's shown OP how things could look in the future if things got tricky.

tenlittlecygnets · 17/05/2020 22:04

was being tricky and moaning we walked in total silence and he said 'be nice if someone spoke to me' very annoyed, when I mentioned it to him later he said he was only joking.

Urgh. Why couldn’t he have started a conversation. He sounds hard work

Willowmartha1 · 17/05/2020 22:08

He's usually very chatty and silly he wasn't today though for some reason.

OP posts:

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 17/05/2020 22:12

She's 8 but as previously stated he had already met her as she was with me when we were introduced by my nephew.

It doesn’t matter- she shouldn’t have been part of you’re dating life until the relationship was established and you knew it had a future. Her being there the first time you met each other and her knowing him doesn’t mean it’s fine for her to be there for your dates.

Willowmartha1 · 17/05/2020 22:15

@chandleristhebestfriend it wasn't a date he suggested meeting up for a walk with the two of us.

OP posts:

Bubblebee7 · 17/05/2020 22:16

Has he got children himself? These are the comments that you expect from people with no children. I agree it probably wasn’t the best idea to bring your child along.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 17/05/2020 22:19

it wasn't a date he suggested meeting up for a walk with the two of us.

of course it was a date! It doesn’t have to be dinner and a nice dress for it to be a date! It was up to you to say “no, I don’t take my daughter to meet men I’m dating”

category12 · 17/05/2020 22:19

What on earth would you want with a man who can't cope with a child moaning?

You have a child - base expectation that any guy needs to be able to tolerate children not being perfectly behaved.

Willowmartha1 · 17/05/2020 22:21

He has a seventeen year old son he made a comment when she was moaning "I'm glad my sons 17" I wish I'd left her with her dad but she has been cooped up so much with lockdown I stupidly thought a walk together would be nice, how wrong was I !

OP posts:

buckfastattiffanys · 17/05/2020 22:23

'be nice if someone spoke to me' very annoyed

For me that would be a red flag. If you didn't think it was a joke at the time it probably wasn't. And its a bit passive aggressive.

I've had a bit of relationship lightbulb moments lately and a friend recommended this account @lalalaletmeexplain on instagram which, along with some brilliant support on here, has been really helpful.
x

Bubblebee7 · 17/05/2020 22:24

Children do that don’t worry about it. He sounds rude I mean you wouldn’t say it out loud would you he may not be the one for you. I’d have to tell him my thoughts.

RLEOM · 18/05/2020 00:43

Who wants to deal with a man like that anyway? I can't stand stroppy men. You're well rid.

Tabithha · 18/05/2020 01:06

Do you not hear yourself subconsciously sidelining your daughter for this man?! Saying you should have left her elsewhere (which I actually agree with since it’s far too early to be introducing her to this man regardless of whether she was there when you first met him) and why on earth would you apologise for her behaviour? So she moaned a bit. She’s 8! Your statements about your daughter coupled with you saying you’re very shy tells me you’re a tad desperate to keep him around and you’re willing to put your daughters needs aside to accommodate him. Your daughter comes first not some random you’ve only met a few times

Nikhedonia · 18/05/2020 01:52

I wish I'd left her with her dad but she has been cooped up so much with lockdown I stupidly thought a walk together would be nice, how wrong was I !

Yes, a walk with your daughter is nice. I assume you are doing that with her anyway?!

There was no need for her to come along on the 5th date, she's 8!

GlorianaCervixia · 18/05/2020 03:21

If you’re second-guessing yourself and your daughter this early on then he’s not the man for you. It sounds like he had a sulk because your child was acting like... a child. I agree with the op that you’re subconsciously blaming your daughter and making excuses for him because you want this to work out.

You’ve only met a few times. He should be trying to impress you but instead he’s making you feel off-balance and anxious. You don’t want a man who complains when he’s not the centre of attention. He’s not the one and it’s good he’s shown you so early what kind of man he is so you can move on.

Willowmartha1 · 19/05/2020 09:58

He has contacted since but not mentioned the walk at all and hasn't mentioned meeting again so I'll leave it. My daughter has to come first. I get the impression he thought I should have told her off for moaning but I know it would have caused a full on meltdown with her if I had !!

OP posts:

BarbuFR · 19/05/2020 10:02

I mean, to be fair on him, it’s a bit of an awkward situation to be around a child having a tantrum.

Willowmartha1 · 19/05/2020 10:08

I agree but he has been so naturally good with her before like pulling her leg and joking with her that I thought he would do this instead of getting stroppy! It threw me a little bit as he isn't the man I thought he was sadly.

OP posts:

PinkMonkeyBird · 19/05/2020 10:14

He's shown who he is OP and I agree with the others...it is much too early to be involving your daughter.

RantyAnty · 19/05/2020 10:28

Next.
You still don't really know him. It's easy to act charming for awhile, but that doesn't mean it's their true nature.

crimsonlake · 19/05/2020 20:15

Put it like this..are you going to take your daughter on every date you have with a man? The answer is no and she should not have gone along in the first place, do not involve your daughter in your dating life full stop. He was wrong in his behaviour, but you were also very wrong.

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funnylittlefloozie · 19/05/2020 20:28

Just because he is "a" man, doesnt mean he is "the" man. He couldnt meet your standards, of acting like an adult and coping with kids, and its better to discover that fact early, rather than when you're a bit more invested in him.

There are plenty of decent men around who are happy to step up and take on kids (i found one). This man wasnt right for you and your situation. No biggy.

Willowmartha1 · 19/05/2020 22:53

Thanks for all your responses I'm clearly a bad mother ! Anyway I won't be seeing him again.

OP posts:

category12 · 19/05/2020 22:59

It's pretty ill-judged/inappropriate to take your daughter along when you barely know the guy. Him knowing your nephew does not make him safe or a good person.

But on the bright side, it did show up that he's totally unsuitable.

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