So tired of it

[heartsore20]

Left abusive ex 18 months ago - I can honestly say I’ve never loved a partner more. Last straw was him shouting and being frightening towards my dd. I still think of him and dream of him. I miss the good parts - I know it’s right to have left and I would never allow my dd to be treated that way or watch me being treated that way.

I’m sick even writing this - but I miss him so much. I’m seeing a counsellor- taking medication for long term depression so I am trying to address it but I feel so trapped with my feelings for him. The connection I had with him I’ve never felt before - I cannot even contemplate dating someone else- he did - very quickly. I still regularly dream of him and especially his home - it’s so real - I can smell the cleaning products he used, feel the material of his couch etc. Has anyone been there?- what do I do??

Anyone?

One day you'll look back and think why the Hell did I even shed a tear over that man? But for now you need to ride it out by keeping yourself busy and replacing old memories with new ones. Have fun with your DD and maybe try a bit of online dating as a distraction.

Thanks so much for replying- I suppose I just want to know that it will end - it’s been so long now- I’ve never taken a breakup this bad before

This sounds more like an unhealthy emotional attachment and trauma bonding than love.

I don’t know what attachment it is I just want it to stop

No, once someone abuses my child they are dead to me.

That’s good for you cat lady but it’s not helping me

Maybe you need to try a different sort of therapy alongside the counselling, something along the lines of CBT or EMDR to tackle the obsessive thoughts? Get some advice on what might work for you.

Have you done the freedom programme? Maybe some peer support would help when groups resume.

I think that might be an option category - I’m just so tired of dealing with what feels like never ending grief

Well done on leaving him, btw . You rock.

I think a bit of specialised therapy should help you break the thought patterns.

Right OP
It does sound like trauma bonding. Well done you for getting therapy. Just be aware that it may be deep seated issues which led you to your ex. You may need more than one set of counselling sessions. You'll get there.

This will probably sound bonkers but, can you imagine your connection? What it looks like ? Once you can, pull it out from you, and let it go. Imagine the "hole"that islet being filled with self love, or other positives.
Every time you start to feel connected,pull it out.
Good luck OP, and well done for getting help.

Thanks for replying - Oh there was no question of staying with him - my dd will always come first - I’m just weary that it seems so fresh - it invades my waking hours and my dreams. There is no respite from it

*the hole that is left

I’ve been seeing a counsellor for ages and it has helped - I just wish there was an off button - or even better a delete button!