Is anyone else reserved and feels this can put people off?

[Redleathertrousers]

I'm trying to understand myself a bit more. I've felt for years as though some people dont really get me and/or struggle with my personality. I also know that you can't be everyone's cup of tea. I'm fortunate to have a couple of close friends. I asked one for feedback about me and how I come across and she kindly told me that I come across as reserved and I don't really open up.

I don't really enjoy talking about myself. I can manage fine in interview environments but on an everyday conversational level I feel uncomfortable because I don't feel like I am very interesting or have much to offer. This is with everyone, family and friends. So I tend to ask questions instead to deflect away from me but I think I'm careful not to make it sound like an interrogation. I was bullied in high school and I've definitely carried those wounds through to adulthood. I'm always amazed at people who talk about their day, hobbies etc so confidently.

Has anyone else been told this about themselves and how do you feel about it? Have you tried to overcome it? And if you're not like this would it put you off being friends with someone? Why?

Flythedragons... what a lovely person you are. I've been really struggling with this same problem and that's a big help. Thank you :)

i'm exactly the same as you OP and it is quite hard. I've been in situations countless times where i've been in a social situations and people have bonded with each other instantly whilst, for me it can take months or years to feel close to someone. i find the screamy, over excited nature of meeting new people a bit nausiating and full on.

I've been totally snubbed repeatedly buy a lady at work who must hate me or think i'm a total bore because i just find it so very difficult to open up to people who i don't fully know or trust.

It's not easy, but you learn to gravitate towards the warm people, the ones you feel comfortable around who understand you, and then, when you find those people, you appreciate them so much.

I think I could have written many of the posts here about low self esteem etc. I have tried convincing myself that I don't need people when really I do and that might be part of the problem - I actually feel quite needy, having a dysfunctional extended family. I want friends to whom I can turn (I perhaps have a couple but feel I could do with some more) and I want friends who invite me along to things which I also seem to lack. I've started to reflect on my relationships a lot more too lately. TBH, I think I probably expect too much and become a bit disappointed when people aren't able to give me their time/attention. I have decided that over the next year or so, I need to make more connections, in the hope of making some more friends (and thereby not being too much of a drain on the friends I already have). Having no mother/sister in the picture, I crave good female friendships and probably a mother figure or two. There have been a couple of instances where I have wanted to get to know people a bit better and they have been very closed off (probably think they can't trust me which is a shame because I am good at keeping confidences). I am a sahm and when my little one goes to school, I definitely need to do more that will get me out and talking to people. I realise it is going to take effort on my part, I envy people who seem to be like people magnets, I think when I was working, my time was occupied and I never felt quite the same need for companionship. A lot of people seem to be wrapped up and busy with their families which is fair enough I suppose but it is dawning on me that I would benefit from having other outlets too.

Following. Thanks so much for raising this subject. Been reflecting on this lately...too much overthinking in lockdown!