Need help.

[doughnutcraver]

My Dh has been talking for years about up and leaving, going off grid, living off the land, living in the woods or travelling in a camper van to be free from demands of life eg work and bills.
It's not for me or can't imagine it being good for our 6 year old dd either. (He has actually convinced dd it is a great idea and she would never have to go to school and a new adventure every day)
He went to work this morning saying how sick of life he is and that we shouldn't need to work, life is too short for all this.
This morning I told him to fuck off and just go. I feel bad now but he was doing my swede in.

In reality could this way of living really be done in uk? No school, medical help, work, showers then growing own good coz we wouldn't have money to buy it.
I actually hate him right now.

Nope! YANBU. And telling all of that to a child is a weird thing for an adult to do.

Find some adverts for cheap campers, tell him to fill his boots

Your husband sounds shockingly delusional and immature. He thinks life is tough now, just wait until he's "off the grid" and living off the land. That's sooo easy.

What a twat. I'd give him a tent and tell him to have at it.

Delusional is the right word.
I'll tell him to go and set up home in the forest and see how fun it is for him without the daily stresses.
I picture him thinking it'll be like a lovely long camping trip. He's been watching lots of Alaska programmes where they build a lovely lodge out of the trees and have a log burner.

How many years has he been banging on about this? I would be completely fed up as well because with his head in the clouds all the time he can't possibly be a every effectual partner.

It must be about three years since he first mentioned it.
How great life would be not having to work and we only work to pay the government tax.
The last one we are all sheep copying what everyone else does.
It makes me feel like shit. My work isn't the easiest but I just get on with it as I have bills to pay and life to live.

He still hasn't come home and not answering his phone.

The vast majority of "the land" is owned by someone.

I know people who live off grid. Not for me with full time job but they have a lovely life from what I see. But you have to know what youre doing. Plus all but one of my friends kids go to school so they still hsbe to have internet etc albeit through a dongle but it's not like they are totally away from pressures of fhr world

I think he's mentally ill, or at least has a psychological issue. Could he change jobs if he dislikes it that much?

Is he really telling your DD she won't have to go to school? That's actually illegal.

Travellers have much worse educational, career and health outcomes, and shorter lifespans.

The last one we are all sheep copying what everyone else does

Ah ok, I get what the problem is now, he's a dickhead. I bet he's into all sorts of conspiracy theories too. Some of this ilk also smoke weed? Either way, it's really annoying.

all but one of my friends kids go to school

Disconnected- so they don't move around much really. I'm glad to hear they go to school. I've known some people slightly like this and they got hassle from social services etc.

How off grid would you say your friends are? Do they live in a wood full time, or on a caravan site, or...?

He was diagnosed with depression and given antidepressants a few years back but wouldn't take them.
He changes jobs every few months as he feels suffocated by the "mundane tasks"

He doesn't smoke weed and drinks rarely.
I can't cope with the attitude of him any more.
It's his dream but it's not mine, I have to let him go.
We have manageable debts and I'm sure if thinks we won't have to pay them off because we will be "off grid" but it's just running away from reality.

He came home about 1am I haven't spoken to him yet and I'll be working from 9am so hopefully won't have to see him today.
You are right about about conspiracy theories.

We need to sit down calmly soon and I'll tell him to take what he wants and go to live his "dream life" I won't be taking him back once he's gone though, you make your bed mate.

I give him two months before the novelty wears off and he realises life is still shit because he's such a negative person.
Feeling quite strong at the moment but will be a wreck.

So I lost my password ages ago and couldn't be bothered to retrieve but I wanted to comment so much I went and created a new one! For what it's worth, I have felt like this (and still do on and off!) I'm a woman - early to mid thirties with a husband and child.
Anyway, I felt very strongly that I wanted to leave everything, pack a bag and go a few years ago and it caused a massive rift with my husband. There were many reasons, but mainly I was unhappy, I was struggling with work, I was very unhappy with the general political situation in the country, I felt adrift and disillusioned.
So I don't know what the rationale is behind your husband's desire but from what I'm reading, he's not necessarily being a dick, selfish, stupid etc... There is a lot to be said for feeling like this.
What helped for me is actually knowing I wasn't trapped - we went travelling for a month, discussed calmly and rationally potentially moving abroad (hasn't yet happened but knowing my husband was on board was a huge relief and I started to accept my current situation), some counselling which made me appreciative of little things, connecting with a community of "worldschoolers" and other travelling parents.
Funnily enough, it also really brought home the fact that, well, it's a huge luxury to be able to travel, to choose to spend periods of time "off grid" and in a way that put me off, it lost its varnish and appeal.
I'm waffling, sorry, but if the relationship is otherwise good, it may be worth sitting down and having a chat to zone in on what exactly is causing this, if possible and you'd be keen, maybe try and plan a bit of travel (obviously not now!!) , encouraging him to volunteer and maybe chat to a counsellor (this experience motivated me to study counselling...) to talk things through as anxiety and fear of the future can cause this need to escape. Volunteering and maybe consider a career change, if possible, especially might help exorcise his very understandable anger and frustration with the current political and economic system.
Sorry that was very long. Hope it helps...

OP,

Send him away on a weeks survival course,they organise specific ones for men.Mainly ex military running it,test his natural ability in the wild and wet and he will think very quickly this is not for him.

I know one couple in Canada who did this in their 40s,they had a significant amount of savings,rentals in Alberta and were able to build a sustainable lodge remote.You need serious capital to do this well.

Be careful with these conspiracy theories,if it gets too much I recommend he seeks medical assessment.My sisters husband was like this,he was always on about conspiracies,couldn’t hold down many jobs.She bank rolled him all the way,after the hurricanes in New Orleans,he was convinced he needed a cabin and bunker in the woods to live off grid.She bank rolled this,stocked it with food and survival tools fir the apocalypse.

I was never too close to him,well with the coronavirus pandemic kicking off in March,it flipped something on him.He went out to the cabins all disturbed by the virus,made a bunch of calls and shots himself in the head.

I’m only telling you this as I think your husband may have notions now but they can get way worse and I would watch this very closely and not entertain any of his ideas.

That's actually a very good idea!

This thread is so sad.

Op, he needs to speak to a doctor. But that doesn't mean you have to continue to be married to him if hr is harming you and your daughters mental health.

He sounds interesting. I feel like he does sometimes

Prob watching lots of Aussie souls doing it, having masses of space and endless roads, there are chalenges of course.
Get him to go on an extreme camping trip