Is it ever ok to ghost a friend?

[terribletwosandthrees]

Firstly, I've been ghosted in the past. It was horrible and I've always argued on MN that people should be honest about why a friendship is ending instead of just ignoring the other person.

However, I now find myself in a situation with a friend who has become completely self-absorbed. The friendship feels really one-sided, I can't remember the last friendly thing she did towards me and she just rubs me up the wrong way. I've tried to nicely, but maybe too subtly, point out when she has done things that have inconvenienced me such as letting me down at short notice. I've tried to let the friendship drift but after a couple of weeks she will get in touch because she wants something. About a month ago, I decided i wasn't going to answer her messages anymore but then thought that was an awful thing to do. I guess I just want some opinions on whether ghosting is ever actually the best option.

I think ghosting can definitely be the only option sometimes. If someone is making you miserable, and any attempts to talk things through end in turmoil, you need to just drift away. This relationship doesn't sound like friendship to me.

It's a difficult one. I've been dumped by a friend via WhatsApp message explaining why she cant see me anymore, and believe me that does not feel good either!

It sounds like this situation has been going on for a while, and you've tried to point out specific examples of her letting you down. I'm guessing that didnt make a difference. How long have you been friends, and how close were you? Its interesting that you say she gets in touch when she wants something- does she leave you feeling used? Picked up and put down again at her convenience?

It's awful to ghost but necessary with regards to some people.

I ghosted a friend though I wouldn't normally and the circumstances were exceptional. We had started to have less and less contact because of distance and life but then they let me down in a significant way and I felt I couldn't trust them any longer. I did think about explaining it to them but i don't think it would have been difficult for them to work out and I was too upset to go over it all.

I've done it. I'm terrible for keeping in touch with people anyway, so sometimes it has been unintentional, but I do remember once doing it on purpose. A girl I met years ago in college. She seemed to latch on to me. She didn't seem to make friends with many other people, but I was happy to include her. Problem was I don't think she had many friends out with college either and it soon became apparent why. She was a compulsive liar. I kept in touch with her for about a year, actually went to stay at her house with a friend and my ds, but something happened while we were there and I decided I wasn't going to keep in contact with her anymore, so I ghosted her. Didn't even feel bad , just felt relieved.
I actually met her in softplay a few months ago, she asked for my number. I gave her it, but thankfully never heard from her again.

I would suggest honesty first. Tell her when she pisses you off. That way she will know exactly why you eventually ghost her if she doesnt change. And it gives her the opportunity to consider changing her ways. If she doesn’t, ghost.

Just answer later, with less words.
No need to ghost. But do let it fade...

I did this with a long term friend about 20 years ago. I had increasingly felt we had nothing in common, then we went away today for a long-planned break and she was nasty to me and toe-curlingly embarrassing the whole time. What finished me off was she made racist comments, which just flicked a switch for me. After we came home, I never saw her again. She did try to get in touch, but she was the sort of person who liked long emotional exchanges and I didn't want to listen to her.

I have ghosted and don't regret it as said person deceived me in the most awful way. I honestly don't feel that 'being honest' - (no duplication of word intended!) would lead to a better outcome - to be realistic - many of the people who we are ghosting would play the victim and play on our sense of guilt.

By the time you want to ghost them, they're not really a friend are they.

Weigh up if there's enough left of the friendship to try to save, and then weigh up if she's the sort of person who can respond positively if you say there's a problem.

If not, then either politely say that you feel you want different things from each other and that you wish her well, or if that would create drama then ghost.

If she only gets in touch if she wants something (if) then no wonder she's not listening to your more subtle hints. Rhinos don't.

Ghosting is completely unacceptable in a relationship IMO. Everyone deserves a phone call to say it's not working out.

With a friend, it's different. Phoning to say don't enjoy spending time together any more would be weird. Sometimes you do have to ghost (or fade gradually as a pp says).

Of course it's ok to ghost...sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do. Not everyone can engage in a sit down and chat about how things have gone wrong, sometimes the only option is to cool off then break off completely. It doesn't sound like there is much of a friendship left anyway so perhaps ghosting is the way forward. Sometimes people can get so hurt and upset by any potential 'feedback' you might offer on why you don't want to be friends anymore that I feel like this could only be worse in some situations. No ending is straightforward though. Just do what you need to do.

yes sorry just echoing what CurlyEndive said - ghosting - unacceptable in a romantic relationship but sometimes the only option in a friendship

i should say not only option - but lesser of all evils option in a friendship

Friendships fizzle. It's normal.
Ghosting seems like overkill for a friendship that may rekindle years later after people have grown and changed.