Hi everyone, I’ve come on here to please ask for some advice. I’ve been married for over a decade but just lately I’m not happy. It’s mainly because of the way my DH talks to me. We’ve got small kids. He does his share and is good in all ways but sometimes the way he talks to me makes me really upset. It’s hard to explain but it’s just not normal. It’s not all the time but he just often doesn’t speak to me like I imagine normal married people do. He swings between what feels like love bombing “hello gorgeous” over exaggerated tone and grabbing my butt for example to dismissive and employee like and then sometimes like this morning, weird fake politeness, like we are strangers? I don’t know how else to explain it. So I imagine if a family with small kids are deciding what to do with the day, they’d chat and the conversation would go “what do you fancy doing with the day” and then you’d chat it back and forth. My husband doesn’t do this. It feels weird and often stilted and strange. This morning he came to find me in the shower and said “I’m taking the kids for a walk. You’re more than welcome to join us”
I’ve had this kind of thing for years. It’s not normal is it? That’s how I’d speak to a friend who was staying in my house for the weekend or the neighbour over the road. I don’t know what to do about it. There’s no way to talk to him about any of this because I’ve tried before and it either results in cold shouldering or fake love bombing. As a result, I feel like I really don’t know where I stand, I feel uncomfortable and I feel unhappy. I wonder if I’m robbing myself of finding somebody who will talk to me properly. I just don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life swinging between fake polite or fake love bombs! Has anybody else dealt with stuff like this before? I grew up in a house where nobody ever spoke normally to me so I may be very over sensitive to this.