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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When to take the hint?

16 replies

ShambalaHambala · 17/05/2020 07:52

I've been seeing a guy for a 3 months or so. Saw each other quite a lot (6/7 times) in the weeks before lockdown but have had to be a bit creative over the last few weeks with virtual dates. I messaged him on the 11th this month asking if he fancied going for a walk around our local city which is a ghost town, as we are allowed to now. He was up for it but said he had a few things to sort and a family issue out so may not message much in the next few days. Fair enough. I've looked on his social media and he's posting a lot, zoom meetings with friends, photos of him doing various things, a new play list he has made, lengthy debates on his posts with his friends etc. I don't know why but I just have a gut feeling that he may be phasing me out, or I may never hear from him again. I send him a message a couple of days ago just saying 'I hope you're okay' and nothing. At what point do I ask him what's going on or decide to call it a day? Or am I being paranoid here?

OP posts:
GreyishDays · 17/05/2020 07:54

Maybe just see if he gets in touch next.

ShambalaHambala · 17/05/2020 07:55

@greyishdays that's definitely what I'm doing now.

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 17/05/2020 07:57

As someone who was ghosted. Do not contact him. Wait and living as if he won't be in touch

ShambalaHambala · 17/05/2020 07:58

I'm not gonna lie I will be gutted if he's ghosting me.

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 17/05/2020 08:03

You need to set a date (say five days from today) and if there’s no contact from him then forget him.

ShambalaHambala · 17/05/2020 08:06

Good idea @mashedspud - it would be a shame. Thought I had got lucky meeting someone before lock down! But at least it's early days so not too devastating...

OP posts:
Jeezoh · 17/05/2020 08:10

If he’s not responded to your last message then I wouldn’t contact him again

ShambalaHambala · 17/05/2020 08:16

@jeezoh don't plan on messaging him again unless he messages me. I can't be bothered to chase him around. He's a nice bloke and seems pretty normal. I really like him. Just hard because of lockdown so whilst it seems like we've been seeing each other for a long time, it's not been in the flesh so it's all a bit weird. I wonder if I was just something to pass the time whilst lockdown was on and now he can see his mates he's not actually that bothered. Who knows. I'm obviously paranoid!

OP posts:
ShambalaHambala · 17/05/2020 08:18

*OK maybe not a long time, but a decent amount of time anyway. Who knows. This is why I hate dating!

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 17/05/2020 08:31

Why are you paranoid? Don't do yourself down.
Your gut is telling you something or you wouldn't be posting.
So he can make the effort to contact everybody else on social media all day but not you and can't even be bothered to hide it.
That would tell me all I need to know.
At three months if it's going really well he should be excited about your budding relationship - clearly he isn't.

Alocasia · 17/05/2020 08:35

Listen to your gut and try to forget him. No need to ask him what’s going on as it seems quite clear. If he ignores that message too you will feel even worse.

ShambalaHambala · 17/05/2020 08:52

Fair dos. I bloody hate dating!

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 17/05/2020 09:23

He's not interested. Please don't ask him anything. Just delete and block.

Dollyrocket · 17/05/2020 10:09

Agree with recent PP’s and sorry OP he’s just not that into you. At the point when you asked to see him on a walk he pulled back with ‘busy with stuff’ and has now ignored your most recent message.

Block him to take your power back and focus on you Flowers

edwinbear · 17/05/2020 10:37

OP I’m going through something similar. Mine was too busy to meet up for a walk but as soon as the golf courses reopened he suddenly had a spare 4 hours to aimlessly whack a ball round a field. This told me all I needed to know, so I finished it.

Sounds like he’s just not that into you. I’d just leave it now, it’s shit, but you keep your self esteem in tact Flowers

TheStoic · 17/05/2020 10:45

Would you do this if you were interested in someone?

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