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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Soooo fed up

3 replies

Dementeddotcom · 16/05/2020 20:38

Hi everyone

My boyfriend and I just bought our first house. I’m 30 weeks pregnant. So as to not drip feed for background I didn’t speak to my dad for 3 years as he was abusive to me growing up. I met him him last year after those 3 years and he had really changed, new partner, renovated their house, got a new job and stopped drinking as much. He’s been really involved and can’t wait for the birth of his grandson. I get on well with his partner too, she’s lovely.

They were passing by the town we live in today and asked if I needed anything (our nearest shop is in the town they live in) and I asked them to pick me up my inhaler. I wasn’t worried about contracting the virus from them because they’re both WFH just now and they were making their first trip to see his partners mum in a care home (through the window)

My partner is aware of what my dad did to me and understand why he has reservations about him, I get it, but I’m an adult woman and can make these decisions and trust my judgement. I’m not stupid!

Anyway, they gave me the inhaler and I asked if they wanted to come round the back and look at my kitchen (we are renovating it) through the window which they did, my partner was in a cupboard nearby doing some electrician stuff so quickly said hi when my dad shouted hi to him.

This was 11am, it’s not 8:30pm and he’s been an absolute arsehole all day and has hardly spoke to me. He’s told me before he doesn’t like my dad which is fair enough, but he’s happy for his mum to be in his life even though she ripped up our scan picture and told us she was going to milk herself when we announced our pregnancy.

I’m actually fed up now and could burst into tears?! Am I being stupid or what?

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 16/05/2020 23:25

Ripped up your scan picture! I hope it wasn’t an only copy. I think you need to tell your partner you both have abusive parents as his mum was very out of order there.

Bunnymumy · 16/05/2020 23:36

So basically, he is throwing a huff like a five year old? You do know the 'silent treatment' is a common punishment doled out by abusers to keep you in line when you do something they dont like right?

I mean on it's own it is bad enough but I wouldn't be surprised if you've missed a few other signs by the sound of things.

What did he do when his mother ripped up your scan? Does he have a problem with any of your other family and friends?

Lynda07 · 16/05/2020 23:43

What does it mean to 'milk' oneself? I've never heard that one before. Why did she rip up scan picture? That seems harsh to me.

Your boyfriend is also being unreasonable about your father. It's your business. Your father has changed, is a happier person from what you say and you have forgiven him for the past.

I do wonder what you are getting yourself into with this man.

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