20 something daughter's "mother-daughter relationship" - hard work

[boredofthisnow2020]

I have a 23 year old daughter and a 20 year old son. My daughter is amazing and I love her dearly, however when things go wrong, she seems to take it out on me, yet lets her lying, errant father get away with murder.
Do you think this is a comment mother-daugther trait? I feel like I'm constantly boosting her up and walking on egg shells.

This is not a mother daughter trait. It's a horrid person trait

Have you tried calling her on it? Maybe a conversation to be had when tempers are even. It sounds quite hurtful.

It's because she knows you love her and will forgive her.
My daughter has been horrendously let down by family and her father but I have never let her down but she is quite narky with me and rude.
I don't like doing it but I call her out on it. Short and sweet and no long arguments. It gets easier the more you do it.

What have you said to her about this?

It’s not a horrid person trait. It’s a trait of a sad insecure person who knows she will always have your unconditional love and support so can take things out on you safely. She doesn’t have that certainty with her father so is nicer to him because she is scared of losing his love.

Don’t let her continue doing this. We teach people how to treat us and by putting up with this you are teaching her it’s OK to treat you like that. In the nicest possible way challenge her on it. Tell her you love her and want to help her but will not be spoken to / treated that way by anyone, that when she is ready to apologise you will be ready to listen.

I'm 27 and never had this relationship with my mum. We have a very easy going relationship and never argue.

I know this is harsh but I have on occasion told my 20 something daughter that she can move out if she doesn't like it and I will not be spoken to rudely in my own home.
I've said similar to my 17 year old too
Seems to concentrate their minds...