Have I missed the boat at 36?

[UnderTheLilacTree]

I turned 36 last week and I’m having a bit of a wobble. I’ve been divorced three years (no children) and have spent most of that time in therapy, working on myself (exH was physically and mentally abusive) and enjoying being single.

I dipped my toe into dating earlier this year and started dating a guy four years younger than me. I broke things off quickly after he started making some unkind comments about my age. Namely: “there’s got to be something wrong with you to be left on the shelf” and “I’ve told my friends you’re my age. I’m too embarrassed to admit I’m with an old woman.” He also questioned whether I was still fertile and wanted to know if my eggs had ‘dried up.’

While the man is long gone, I can’t get his words out of my head. I’ve started therapy again but I can’t help but feel he’s got a point and I’ve missed the boat for meeting someone and potentially having children.

Could I have some honest opinions on whether it is too late for me?

please don't be ridiculous! 36 is YOUNG!

I'm 37 and single and live alone and I'm having the absolute best time of my life. Maybe I'll meet someone, maybe I won't. I could meet the love of my life at 56, who knows. In the meantime I'm going to have fun and enjoy my life.

You are young. You have life experience, he was just a little muppet. Well rid!!! Dont even let his comments get to you.

36 is totally prime time. Enjoy it.

I broke things off quickly after he started making some unkind comments about my age.

Brilliant. Well done you. You are learning. Of course it’s not too late. It may have been I’d you had wasted years on that toad. And you “would have been too embarrassed to admit being with an ugly abusive c**t - who’s heart had dried up”

Bullet. Dodged. Call back up that self worth he tried to knock out of you.

Next!

My colleague has had her first baby girl
3 months ago at 46 - married for the first time 3 years ago.

Know 3 friends who froze their eggs and went solo in their early 40’s.

Christ. That's almost a little funny given that at 36 I met my husband - he was 22 at the time and never once came out with those comments.

I Would say you just swerved an idiot!

By the way, now married 10+yrs with 2 kids! 36 is young.

You are absolutely in the prime of your life. The things that bloke said, he said because he is a moron. Do not listen to him. If he would have said something else moronic not related to you, like the the Earth is flat, you would not have internalised that.

Dont give him or his words another thought.

Don't be daft. I was single at 36, never could find a date, met a good man and blessed with a child at 38. Don't let these miserable cunts get you down, they are not the only guys out there.

That man was an idiot. Well done for kicking him to the kerb.

You can check the rate of fertility declining for women. I wouldn't say at 36 you're young like a pp. It depends on how long it takes for you to meet someone and get to know them well enough to have children.

I was at an event last year with a doctor who runs a fertility clinic and he spoke of many women who were struggling to get pregnant in their late thirties and upwards.

The guy you were seeing was a real fool...but you can do the research and see the statistics for yourself.

Of course ppl will come on and tell you how they had their first at 43 and the next at 45. It's possible of course, but it's not the norm and shouldn't be relied on.

Hi OP I’m glad the man is long gone. What a waste of space how dare him . Realistically it would of been better to have kids younger but what can you do. If you meet someone I definitely don’t think the boat has sailed. I don’t think there’s any formula some people are more fertile than others you obviously don’t find out until you start trying. You may be really fertile and fall on quickly when you meet the right person. I have a friend that fell on in her 40s and so did my Aunt.
I think that’s just a feeling women get sometimes. I’m just under 30 and I would love another and I too feel like the boats sailed due to circumstances what will be will be.

I had IVF at age 38 (my own) and then 2nd baby at age 46 using an egg donor. An FSH test was a simple blood test that I had in my forties, and gave me a very low chance of conceiving using my own eggs - hence the donor. That man sounded absolutely horrible, well done for booting him off. I felt the same way as you at 36 - but I now have 2 extraordinarily beautiful children! You do have time!

And I’d use what that man said as motivation - to prove him wrong, and to verify - as we all know - that he is an idiot x

I met my now dh at 42 and we had a dc. Wasn't my first - though it was his..

No, no no no no. 36 is incredibly young. I'm 48 and have had the best years of my life since I was 36. Had a wonderful child, divorced an abusive man, advanced my career, travelled a lot, now met a lovely man. You're just getting started.

Any man who makes unpleasant jibes about your age is just throwing something toxic about himself out at you. Just don't admit any of that shit.

You sound sensible and like you've done everything you should have done when your marriage ended. It's hard, sometimes to be ruthless about keeping your self-esteem up but ruthless you have to be. No one will do it for you. You've got to believe in yourself.

But for God's sake don't get suckered into the "over the hill at xx" bullshit. It's patriarchal crap of the worst kind and you must never give it any quarter.

No. I got divorced at 36. I'm now 39, engaged and TTC.

Well done for getting rid of that one. He sounds insecure... if you would have been younger than him he would have found something else to try and bring you down.

At 36 you still have time and even if you didn’t there is always options now days.

God what a horrible man. Well done getting rid of him.

You are definitely not old or dried up or anything like that. I understand how you feel though as I also felt like time was ticking away when I was 36 and it was hard to see how it would happen. I suppose that's how it is until it actually does happen.

I was lucky enough to meet my partner through online dating at 38 and had our baby at 39.

Doesn't matter what my opinion is about your fertility. It seems very different for each woman. Can you get a hormone check to see what your levels are? Might be a bit hard to get that done right now, but it might give you a snapshot of your fertility and you can go from there.
Fertility does typically decline with age...

But - my opinion of you for kicking that ass to the curb? Very high indeed! Well done!

I had my 3rd child at 36yo and my fourth at 38yo.

You had plenty of time to meet the right person or plan a child on your own if that is what you want to do. Or enjoy not being tied down with a family. Your choices are endless.

Glad you got rid of your past two partners, what losers. You deserve so much better !

Totally not too late.
Congrats on your twat detector working too!

Thank you so much for all the responses, I was feeling a bit wobbly tonight and all the positive messages have given me a boost. Thank you all for being so kind

You've got so much time! Aim higher and accept no shit. There are good men out there!

I met my now DP at 36. Pregnancy at 38 and had DD at 39. Just put yourself out there. Don't expect everything to come you you.

Lmao. NO N O . (Laughing because you are so wrong!) Stop there. 36 is like nothing! You have plenty of years!. That guy u dated was a dick! Most proffesional women are now having children in the very late 30s early 40s. Im sorry to hear you're having a wobble.. thats not nice. Just keep in mind your feelings arent necessarily reality. Youre alright babe, even if sometimes it feel hard!