Feeling stuck in relationship I can’t leave yet

[jellyontoast7]

I’m leaving my partner for various reasons but can’t leave until at least the next year.

I can’t leave yet because of financial reasons and having a young DC. The relationship isn’t abusive but I’m just very unhappy. I’ve been back and forth in my mind for months now I haven’t taken the decision lightly and it’s the best decision for me.

How do others cope when you’ve made this decision but can’t leave straight away? I just wish I could fast forward time :(

Stop using someone for money and get out of it.

@Methtones I’m not using him for money! What a strange thing to assume. We have a child together and I’m on basic pay mat leave so can’t afford to leave until I’m back at work full time.

I think you just need to try to detach as much as possible.
Why are you unhappy?
Is it something you've spoken to him about?
Is it something that can be worked on at all?

You're staying with someone for finance reasons. That's not fair on him or you. Especially if it's coming as a surprise to him when you do.

And what will happen in the new year; there could perhaps be some other reason not to leave then (anything like financial problems, his family putting pressure on you to stay, exams, forthcoming holiday booked, birthdays). Rip the plaster off and firm up your own plans to leave sooner rather than later whilst you prevaricate for really weak reasons.

Do not also let your child be the reason for you staying within such an unhappy relationship either. He/she is not going to say "thanks mum" to you for doing that to them. Show this person good and positive lessons about relationships. If you are unhappy your child will pick up on all that and worse still perhaps even blame their own self for mum and dad's unhappy relationship.

She's on maternity leave, ffs! She's not using him like a sugar daddy.

"We have a child together and I’m on basic pay mat leave so can’t afford to leave until I’m back at work full time"

This comment of yours made me think about whether he is controlling with regards to money. Are you having to use your maternity leave pay to cover most if not all costs relating to both you and your child?. How are the finances worked out in this household?.

Believe me if I was going to use someone for money I would have chosen someone much richer

I am trying to detach but finding it very hard being around him. So many reasons, lack of connection, no emotional support, no intimacy, no conversation unless it’s about DC, no help around the house, the relationship is dead! I refuse to let my daughter think this is what love looks like.

@jellyontoast7
Love your MN name !! There have been some harsh, judgemental comments on this thread. Would like to send thoughts in support, you have made your mind up & that's brave. I am in a similar situation but older with adult DC, waiting for my small workplace pension next autumn to kick start my new life away from "housemate". To the critics on here I would add I pay my way in this situation, always have, but have to wait for a house sale which is indefinite now, & have no intention of leaving this house until the exchange of contracts. Why not start doing the logistics now, OP? Maybe make a list of things to do to start things moving, i.e. cosmetic house maintenance, painting, if you jointly own house, & list some housing associations you could apply to in near future? It sounds as if you would thrive on your own if there is no support, I know how that feels. Best wishes to you & DC. [Flowers]

Why can’t you sit down now and tell him honestly how you feel? At least then you could make plans together for separating. You may not love him but he is a person too.

How long have you been together OP and what was it like pre dc?