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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Guilty or not guilty

13 replies

Marygoround17 · 15/05/2020 17:01

Hello! Just found out DH has recent messages from ex after he told me he had blocked her. Surely when a number is blocked you shouldn't receive msgs from the blocked number? When l confronted him he denied he is having an affair. He tells me she is the one reaching out to him, but he doesn't want anything to do with her. It's been weeks now and DH has still not given me an explanation or apology as to why ex is still in contact with him. Ever since the confrontation we're living more like brother and sister and when we talk it's usually small talk. Am usually the one who initiates conversation when we've had a fight, for the sake of moving on, but this time round l am not going to, because he is the one always messing up in our relationship. I just want things to go back to some form of normality. Am l being unreasonable not wanting to initiate a conversation? Why do DH play the silent game everytime the cat is out of the bag? We've been together for a long time.

OP posts:
BluebellForest836 · 15/05/2020 17:02

Well what did the messages say ? Could you see his reply’s ?

Marygoround17 · 15/05/2020 21:25

No l didn't see his response because what l saw was notification emails to read msgs via LinkedIn. When l asked DH to log into his LinkedIn acc he refused.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 15/05/2020 21:33

My phone puts messages from blocked numbers into a different folder.

Your DH would probably need to switch off the LinkedIn notifications or block his ex on that.

I think if I was him, I'd refuse to log in to LinkedIn on demand, but if your marriage is at risk perhaps he should.

Is the ex an XW or XP with whom your DH has children or some other cause to contact her?

Social Media has a lot to answer for.

BlackAndWhiteCat01 · 15/05/2020 21:37

Blocks a number
The person contacts him through LinkdIn
He refuses to disclose the messages

Yup. He’s up to something I’m afraid

MikeUniformMike · 15/05/2020 21:44

Was there anything else to make you suspicious?

SquirtleSquad · 15/05/2020 22:09

Why did he block her in the first place?

Marygoround17 · 16/05/2020 00:37

MikeUniformMike
DH worked with ex years ago. Found out they never stopped communicating

SquirtleSquad
The reason he blocked her was after l found out the first time. I had seen emails and text msgs. I confronted him that's when he told me the ex was the one who was reaching out and blocking her, which was supposed to end the communication. Apart from these issues, he's a good DH. We have been together for a long time. It just makes me sad that he keeps having these affairs and l always find out, which makes me wonder if there's something he's looking for out there. He tells me all is well between us.

OP posts:
Bubblebee7 · 16/05/2020 00:39

I would contact her and ask her directly what is going on.

Whereisthelaughter · 16/05/2020 00:40

Does he get to decide that all is well between you?

he keeps having these affairs

I'm really sorry, but all is not well. Even if he isnt now (though it sounds highly suspicious) the fact he has is going to cause issues.

Weenurse · 16/05/2020 00:41

‘He keeps having these affairs’.
I would suggest things aren’t going to change if he has done this before.
You need to decide whether you are going to live with this and ignore it, or change how you live.

richele4 · 16/05/2020 00:59

Keeps having affairs? If he has form for this I wouldn't say it looks good. Sorry OP x

famousforwrongreason · 16/05/2020 01:32

When you say 'keeps having these affairs', what do you mean?
Contact secretly with the same ex or with other women or something else?

AlternativePerspective · 16/05/2020 01:47

Sounds to me like you consider his having any communication with this ex as having an affair, which it really isn’t if it’s just chat.

In which case I can understand his refusing to let you see the messages.

If the chat is sexual then it’s a different matter,but from what you’re saying it doesn’t sound that way.

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