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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I tell her, if so, what?

3 replies

totallymortified · 15/05/2020 12:01

I posted about this last week. My friend has got into a lockdown relationship with a man we both know. Both are single with children. He's been prison for fraud, she thinks she's tough but is emotionally much more vulnerable than she would like to admit, even to herself. He is completely love bombing her, turning up 3 times a day to 'drop something off', messaging constantly, buying her kids presents (she's telling them they're from her) he wants her to meet his mum, he's been round every evening, even when the kids are there. If she says no to an evening, he turns up to 'drop something off'. She is flying high and admits that she's lost her head. She wouldn't normally even consider doing something like breaking lockdown. She's behaving in a way completely out of character for her.
I had a relationship like this years ago, it was amazing and the happiest I have ever been but I was manipulated and it eventually broke my trust in men or to be honest, anyone.
Friend's tried to tell me at the time but I couldn't hear it, they were just jealous. Only now, do I understand how they felt.
Do I tell her about my experience and just say that it's made me cautious or do I say nothing, maybe he is going to turn into the love of her life. I know I can't tell her the truth, she's not in a position to hear it.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 15/05/2020 12:04

What is your worry? That he’s duping her to con her out of money or that’s going to hurt her?

totallymortified · 15/05/2020 12:34

That she's going to be hurt. He is moving so fast. She knows that when it becomes public, it's going to be hard. He is a local 'celeb' because of his criminal record. I appreciate that he may just be so excited that someone is taking an interest in her that he's gone over the top but it's coming across as controlling, he seems to be trying to buy her and she's lonely.
I think I know that I just need to sit back. If that is what it is, I can't rescue her, she needs to do that for herself. It's just so hard seeing someone you care about falling into something that looks wrong.

OP posts:
Menora · 15/05/2020 12:38

I think all you can do is try to be the voice of reason when she asks, or expresses any concerns
I didn’t listen to anyone when I did something like this so you could just end up pushing her further away
It’s a mistake but she’s an adult so it’s hers to make

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