Should he delete girls he got to know whilst we were separated? Am I being unreasonable?

[askadvice96]

My ex & I are trying again. We was broken up for around 3 months and in our previous relationship he did cheat more than once and would send/receive inappropriate messages to other girls and would claim they were ‘just friends’.

Naturally, since we split, he has met new people. Now a lot of these are girls. I have trust issues as it is, but more so because of his previous deceit and lies. He recently told me none of these girls meant anything and that he just got to know them whilst we were separated but admitted some he had flirted with etc.

I asked if he would delete them from his phone/social media because why does he need them if he is back with me? He doesn’t need to be getting to know other girls if he’s in a relationship in my opinion - there’s nothing wrong with genuine friends who are girls. But these are just randoms that he has flirted with or start talking to since we broke up.

He even admitted he doesn’t need them in his life and wants to focus on us but then a week later when I mentioned it, admitted he hasn’t removed any and snapchats them all daily. He admitted he knew I’d have a problem with them too but states he didn’t want to delete them as they’re ‘just friends’ as usual.

Am I being unreasonable by asking him to delete them?

Why on earth are you trying again? He has and continues to show you who he is, he is not committed to trying! Just cut your losses

Why did you get back together? What's changed?

I don’t understand. Why? Why are you putting yourself through this again? You do know that there are guys out there that don’t do any social media and don’t do all this nonsense with other girls right? What are you doing with this loser? Why don’t you cut this dead, do yourself a favour and find yourself one who isn’t immature and does all this ridiculous stuff!

In the nicest way possible, please have some respect for yourself and leave! He sounds awful

Everything had been going good until I bought this up as I was worried due to my own insecurities.. turns out I was right anyway. :(

he did cheat more than once and would send/receive inappropriate messages to other girls

There's no better predictor of future behaviour, than past behaviour, as you've now found out.

Why exactly are you bothering? this is going to sound so harsh but he’s just using you as a very handy regular shag. All the home comforts.
He has no respect for you, he literally couldn’t care less.

So back to square one again. I honestly don't understand how you think he has even remotely changed. Your already full of anxiety about your relationship and your only just back together. You are never ever going to feel one once of security in your relationship, this will how you will feel with him forever.

A truly remorseful man who is committed to rebuilding trust would have already deleted them. This loser has not changed and never will.

Tried again with my husband.
Just resurfaced all the insecurities he'd created.
Don't do it to yourself.
If he's trying to prove himself, he's failing miserably.
Sorry OP, stop the rot, there will be an ocean of respectful, honest men.

Theres absolutely no need to try this hard to make it work with someone who just doesn't make the grade.

There are literally billions of men out there, my love. Let this one go, he isn't right for you, it isn't meant to feel like this!

Don’t give him another chance to make a fool of you.

Even if you make him stop speaking to these girls, he will still keep a line of communication open because, why not? He’s will get another chance when he strays again.

Don’t do it to yourself. He won’t change and you’ll never be completely happy with him as you’ll be on edge every time his phone goes off.

He has zero respect for you and is clearly keeping his options open. Dump him before you get hurt again. You deserve way better than this!

He was a dog, he stayed a dog, he's still a dog.

You stay with him, he'll never stop. Your choice.

If I were the betting kind, I'd say that this isn't the only issue in your relationship. I have yet to meet a man who is a disrespectful misogynist in one aspect of his relationship, and Prince charming in all the others. More usually he will be doing one or two things right to keep his girlfriend hanging on, but 90% of the relationship will be shit in a dozen different ways. The don't just sit around ogling other women, they do it whilst leaving their partner to do all the housework, forgetting her birthday, and being selfish in bed. So OP, be honest, is this the only thing that's wrong in an otherwise perfect relationship, or is this the tip of the iceberg?

To be clear, I think you should leave him either way. But it can be easier to do it sometimes if you don't feel like you're leaving over "just" one issue.

Oh god. Don't bother. Seriously. Just get rid. And don't give him an explanation. Block. Ghost. Forget.

Why did you get back with him? He's clearly still cheating

Sorry but men who meet other women when on breaks drop those women like hot potatoes the second they get back with the ex. The very second. Because they have no desire to keep contact with them. I know because I've been that woman. As for snap chatting them, wtf??? Every day?? Firstly it's not you it's him and secondly every minute you are with him is an opportunity missed to meet someone decent. He's an utter waste of time.

Why would you even consider getting back with him after he cheated on you more than once? Do you really think he’s going to change? Him chatting to these girls still even shows you what kind of guy he is.
You are worth more than an immature cheater.