Leaving and becoming a single mum

[jellyon]

I’m planning on leaving my partner for various reasons. It isn’t a bad relationship but I’m very unhappy and we are completely incompatible in so many ways.

We have a 6 month old DC together. I run a business from home and haven’t taken much time off since DC was born but obviously I’m not able to focus on work as much as I did before. Live in a rented house that I lived in before we met and had DC but he has been paying most bills including the rent.

How hard is being a single parent going to be? I can cope financially but I’m used to both of our incomes and his support. I’m not sure how much time he would want with DC probably every other weekend and a couple of evenings in the week. I have family close by who can help with childcare and have even offered full time child care if I need it but I’m so worried I won’t cope alone. Has anyone ever left someone they wasn’t happy with and regretted it and found being a single mum hard?

Honestly I find it hard and my ex was abusive and cheated on me. I would explore other options before leaving. Counselling taking some time off etc

I'm single with 2 small children, seperated when they were 9 months and 2yrs. Currently, it's hard, as I'm not getting a break. When their dad has them in WFH. When he doesn't they're here and it's all on me. Still better than a shitty relationship though.

Pre lockdown was mostly fine. It can be tough but sounds like you have a supportive family to give you a break.

Financially I'm better off without him. Working part time.

I found it easier than living with my ex. 2 kids under 6 and I worked full time. It was busy but a lot less stressful. He had the eow

I wonder if at 6 months pp and the lockdown, whether you should in your situation hang fire and review in a few months when things are going up ore settled.
Juggling everything is stressful, for everything the buck stopping with you can be a really hard.
How would you feel if he gets a new partner who plays stepmum? How will you feel when you have those nights without lo or lo opts to want to stay with her other parent?

I left a violent and dangerous husband but it's bloody hard being a single parent. You have to be really sure. I had no other choice.

Thank you for all of the replies.

These are my worries but it isn’t a pp issue as I felt this way before I was pregnant then unexpectedly became pregnant and I feel trapped with a man I don’t love. I can’t do this to myself anymore I’ve tried to pretend but it’s on my mind all day :( I’m so unhappy and it isn’t fair on DC who deserves a happy mum.

He will meet someone eventually so I know I will have to deal with that at some point. I would be happy for him but I would rather be single for life than stay.

• Name changed

I personally hate being a single mum but you do just adapt and get on with it, it is hard but you cope. I have 4 totally alone and ex is absent but I managed (no choice but to)

If he’s going to do every other weekend and you’ve got other support then it should be ok? I’m going to assume it will be better for you than being stuck with somebody you really aren’t keen on

I found evenings hard at first. My children were 2 and 5 so were in bed asleep by 6pm. I had all these empty evenings in a house that was lovely but didn’t quite feel like home. I couldn’t nip to the shops and get anything if I wanted a snack/drink. Id also get angry when u took the kids somewhere and I wanted to share these lovely moments with someone.

That lasted about 18 months. I’ve now been single for over six years. I love it. Their dad sees them once a week but no other involvement. I make all the decisions. I have all the input. I wouldn’t have it any other way. And I’ve found that whilst it’s hard sometimes, I’m not struggling any more than other mums who have husbands/partners. In fact, I often think I have less stress than them!

Best thing I ever did. My marriage wasn't awful or abusive but I didn't realise how unhappy I was until I left him. I've never been happier than I am now.

Single parenting is tough but you quickly adapt and I've got used to being a little poorer, but a damn site more content and freeeeeeee. Good luck OP

I’m newly in this boat as from this Monday just gone.

The first couple of nights were great but I am starting to feel a pang of loneliness when my son goes to bed and it’s just me. So I’m busting myself with research online about various things or trying to plan my finances to stick to a budget.

It’s an adjustment and I know in a few weeks to a month I’ll of made a new routine for myself and hopefully not feel as lonely.

I find it so much easier and less stressful being a single mum and not having to deal with the children on my own whilst also dealing with exh, his moods and opposing parenting ideas. Wish I’d left when the children were younger. However, if possible I would wait until after lockdown before making big decisions, unless it is unbearable at the moment.

Hi there, I’m also sat here asking myself the same questions OP… I came across your post as I searched to see how I go about making myself a single parent, I guess by now you may or may not have left and hopefully are in a better place? If you’re, hopefully you can help give me advice - the bottom line for me is that I already feel like a single parent to my 6 month old, as my partner has 2 kids (9 & 4) who pretty much dominate most of our time, so I spend most of my time running about after them & my partner since I’m not working, doing everything for our son, partner can barely cope with one of the kids let alone 3! And I’m just sick of the contestant moaning from him about money, and his ex… I just know I’ll feel so much better on my own where I’m not having to deal with his problems, and responsibilities whilst getting no financial or physical help from him for our son!

Anyway, I’ll probably make my own post shortly for some advice as I really do not know how to start! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I found it such a relief - it's far easier having 2 kids rather than 2 kids and a husband who needs parenting as well! Financially was tougher for a while, but I met the love of my life 3 months after we separated & we now live together so actually now also financially better off too!