Unashamedly snooping - Facebook activity log help

[JustBidingMyTime]

Looking through H’s Facebook activity log, I noticed that he has liked and commented on lots of unnamed posts.

As in - [insert H’s name] liked a post/commented on a post etc. Some with laughing emojis and heart emojis. There are quite a few of them but no name. All in the last few weeks. He liked other posts which all have the name of the person who made the post. Is it possible to hide people from your own friends list? Why would there be no name on there? Could it be the person has deactivated their account or blocked him? There are too many for it to be that lots of different people all deactivated their accounts in the same time frame.

Backstory in a nutshell: Marriage is finished due to some previous dodgy findings indicating DH has been trying to find fun elsewhere, suspect he succeeded, and his disclosure that he only stays with me for the DC when I started uncovering stuff. I have come to terms with that, with relief, and am biding my time until I can get rid of him but need to find a full time job and sort out an educational place for one of our DC who has SN and is the reason I’ve had to be a SAHM for so long, which is also why H has no respect for me and thinks I’m boring . Obviously lockdown has put a spanner in the works.

I am ‘staying alert, keeping on snooping, to protect my MH’ as the twat had gaslighted me for years and I want to find proof that I am not actually paranoid and crazy before I kick his arse out, in my own time of course .

When I noticed my DH commenting on, liking and being tagged in a particular woman's photos, it struck me as odd; when it stopped suddenly, it turns out that's when they started sleeping together. If he's got form, your gut should be listened to...

Do you really need more proof OP? From what it sounds like the relationship is over anyway, and for good reason. Personally I think the detective work would be more detrimental to your mental health, constantly
looking over your shoulder. You know he’s an arsehole. Let go, focus on yourself.

Thanks but I do need proof Molotov. It’s actually very important for my MH. He will get to walk away with sympathy for having to have put up with a crazy wife, while I look like the bad guy for breaking up the family for no reason, most importantly to the DC. I am focusing on myself and DC, but also keeping an eye out.

It suits me to have him here during lockdown as with DC being home all the time and not having routine/friends to occupy themselves with, I need someone else around. He’s still working though. I have suspicions he’s been getting up to stuff for years. It’s only what I found recently, that made me question previous behaviour. Of course he’s sworn on DC’s lives etc. I still trying to figure out if he is exceptionally clever or I’m reading too much into it. I was too caught up dealing with DC, especially SN DC to catch on because he left everything to me!

Seaside sorry you went through that. I don’t know whose posts he’s liking and heart emojing though that’s the problem.

Could he have blocked them recently or they've blocked him? Maybe that’s why the name hasn’t appeared?

Check his blocked list in settings.

Blocked or deleted account

Are you logged in as him, or logged in as you?

If logged in as you then they are just accounts of people he is friends with but have their settings restricted to friends only (not friends of friends).

If you're logged in as him then it's all over already and I know it's hard but you need to work on accepting that because short of walking in on him shagging someone else (which can't happen at the moment) a liar and a cheat will never admit more than they have to.

Don't wait for evidence if it's already gone this far. In fact, it's most satisfying leaving a cheat without hard evidence as they seem to think this means you aren't "allowed" to leave because you don't have "proof" to which you can say "ok well I wasn't happy enough in the relationship to stay, so regardless of proof of cheating or not I'm out."

They never expect someone to actively choose to leave them even without hard proof.

Maybe the other person has blocked you? Don’t know for sure, someone else might come along who does. You could ask a friend to block you and get another to like a post, test it that way.

In my experience these posts are usually from people who do not show their posts publicly. So they will be on his friends list, but their posts won't be public so won't show up with content or their name, but will show who it has been liked by.

It is his Facebook account not mine. Doesn’t realise it’s open on his iPad I think!

Nothing in blocked.

Thank you Super. That’s very helpful. There are lots of love heart ones on there now I’ve scrolled back a bit further from yesterday. He’s really not a heart kind of guy, more a thumbs up one! Will examine his friends list after dinner!

You’ll get told not to snoop by some (I snooped and found the evidence so I won’t judge). Just bear in mind though that even with proof you will still be painted as the crazy lady - you didn’t respect his privacy, you drove him to it, you never made him happy anyways blah blah blah.

Try not to let what other people think be the dominating factor to weather or not you leave a cheater.

If you know the truth, even if you have hard evidence I’m sure your ex would twist and turn it one way or another.

Currently going through similar, have a look at who he has on his blocked list of friends... i did a few days and it’s clear that’s the woman my OH has been sleeping with!

It won’t be in blocked on his account if she’s blocked him.

@JustBidingMyTime I can’t answer your FB question, have you tried googling? I totally get that you want proof. I was in a similar situation a few years ago and also made the decision to stay for my own reasons and the DC. I snooped but found nothing so I gave up. A friend of mine then phoned asking me if we had separated because a friend or hers who worked with my H had told work colleagues that we had separated and that he was seeing someone else. He denied it but I didn’t believe him and asked him to leave anyway. He eventually did and I did get my proof not long afterwards. The twat sent text messages meant for someone else to one of the DC that made it clear that he had been cheating and with who I suspected. He’s now married to her. During his speech at the wedding he announced that they got together 2 years before we split up! I’m still in touch with his family and one of them phoned me from his wedding to tell me this. Other affairs have come out since. It is a relief to know that I wasn’t going mad. You’ll get your proof if you’re patient, trust your gut instinct these things always come out eventually.

Thanks but I do need proof Molotov. It’s actually very important for my MH. He will get to walk away with sympathy for having to have put up with a crazy wife, while I look like the bad guy for breaking up the family for no reason, most importantly to the DC. I am focusing on myself and DC, but also keeping an eye out.

Why would people think you're a crazy wife?
You can end it and say that you don't trust him because of the previous things and had reasons to suspect it was happening again. That's perfectly fine, you don't need more proof.

At the end of the day your husband will tell people whatever he wants about you when you split up, he can still make out that you're the crazy wife, he can still tell people you ended it for no reason. It's not like other people will ask you to see the evidence that he's done something wrong! Or he could say that he was caught talking to other women etc. but it was only because you were an awful wife who did x, y and z. You have no proof you didn't...and you can't control what people say or believe about you really!!

Your friends and family won't ask to see proof from you because they will believe you!! and you don't need proof that the other person acted badly anyway, not being happy is a good enough reason.

This is why it's important to set strict boundaries and show you're a tech wizz from day one, my Partner knows I could recover just about anything if I wanted to just be honest and we won't have a problem