How do I convincingly retract a statement/solve an ongoing argument?

[somanyquestions2018]

Hello!

I will try to keep this short and sweet but no promises!

I have been arguing with my boyfriend about one thing for about a month now. But now I am back on my ADHD meds which I had ran out of last month and I am seeing things more clearly.

I wish to make peace and retract my argument basically. But can this be done?!

We also have a child together who is nearly two now so I really want to keep our small family together.

The argument was because his friend wants to build a house to live in on my boyfriends land. My boyfriend has built us a house nearly, half way there. All by himself! I am very proud of him and let him know so.

I basically said his friend was rude for asking when he hasn’t checked out the legal side at all and that he is putting our family home and our child’s inheritance at risk.

I said horrible things to my boyfriend and about his friend. Being off my ADHD meds and full of a couple of beers makes me VERY DRAMATIC!

I can have an argument and forget it as soon as it’s been said. My boyfriend cannot. He can’t even say “I love you” to me anymore.

He has separated me from his friend. We all used to socialise together. Either in fear I will say something-even though I have told him I won’t. Or because he thinks I hate him. I have also told him I don’t I only have this recent issue with him.

But realistically nothing has been built. It’s not my land and I wish to retract all the things I said!

I wish to make peace.

Any help about how I go about this is greatly appreciated!

:)

Reading between the lines OP I think this is less to do with your ADHD and more that you are thinking forward with your child’s best interests at heart while your DP... isn’t.

The whole idea of building a house on your DP’s land sounds crazy.

I’d be focusing my energies on providing stability for my child, elsewhere.

@HopeYouStepOnALego

Sound advice

@MayFayner

I do wish for stability for my child.

My bf jokes a bit too much that he didn't want him and I've ruined his life!

My bf jokes a bit too much that he didn't want him and I've ruined his life!

... Er that's not normal to joke about

Oh come on, OP. He says he didn't want his own child? And you've ruined his life? Why on earth would you stay with someone like that?

Get yourself back to the UK as soon as you can.

Would it be possible for the friend to buy some land from your boyfriend for his house? To build a house on someone else's land seems a recipe for all sorts of problems for both parties, e.g services, insurance, liability, future sales etc. However I should point out that I know nothing at all about Turkish property law - I think I must have been off school that day.

yeah, that property is not the only thing without foundations... (and in an earthquake zone...)

Sorry OP. Time for a good long think about this relationship I'm afraid. I know DP "jokes" about not wanting your child (red flag there), but be careful as I suspect Turkey will be one of those countries where the father has more rights than the mother if there is a dispute.

Better, surely, for your DP to build the second property so that he owns it (also because he has the skills and money) and friend can lodge there for a bit.

That solves the short term problems.

@HollowTalk

He is just one of those people who cannot be serious EVER!

Some things aren't funny though or to joke about, do you get that?

Don't let him use 'humour' to make you feel like shit.

Your bf has gaslit you into believing your legitimate relationship and financial concerns are a symptom of disease.

He's a prick and if I were you, I would structure my life with the presumption that neither you nor your child will receive anything from him.

He is just one of those people who cannot be serious EVER!
Oh, wake up, op. Regular "joking" about how you ruined his life by giving him a child he didn't want is not evidence of a sense of humour.
How do you react when this happens? Do you laugh along with him as if hearing it amuses you?

Your bf has gaslit you into believing your legitimate relationship and financial concerns are a symptom of disease

This. In mile high letters of Fire.

Somethings off. Very off. Look aftyourself OP.

I do wish for stability for my child.

Then don’t run out of your meds again and make sure you can financially support your child. It’s unlikely that this relationship has the legs you want it to have.