I've been cheated on.

[whatagonnahappennow]

I found out this weekend my boyfriend cheated on me. He invited a few 'friends' round whilst i was in bed and kissed another girl.

I'm gutted. I got a half hearted apology on Saturday and have not heard a word from him since. I feel so urgh.

How can I get over this?

@yesterdaystotalsteps123 - that's a really good point. I never thought of it like that. I really don't think he will be back in touch.

Apparently he said to his friend 'tell her if she ends it so be it'. That hurt.

I'm just so confused, everything was fine. I do t know what possessed him.

Hang on ! We are in lockdown. What’s he doing inviting friends round and then kissing one, idiot , stay away from him

@Thesuzle 🤷🏼‍♀️. Tell me about it.

It hurts I know but consider yourself lucky to have found out what he is really like now. You could have been living together and much further down the line in your relationship, and if he does whilst your in bed upstairs, he probably has form and he has probably done it before. Sorry to say that.

You and your dd are well rid. Take time to process it, then you'll be able to move on. This is for the best.

Apparently he said to his friend 'tell her if she ends it so be it'. That hurt.

For whatever reasons he doesn't give a fuck.

He cheated, he didn't tell you about it, he told a mutual friend to tell you "so be it" if you ended the relationship due to it.

He just doesn't give a fk.

The only thing you can do is cut off absolutely all contact and recover. Don't give a man like that one second if access to you, your body, your time, anything.

He may pop up again if he fancies keeping you in his rotation; you know what to do.

@GilbertMarkham @StealthMama . Thanks both. It's a killer. It really is. I'm just so down. It's the shock: I hope I get over it soon.

He also doesn't give a fk about vulnerable people and key workers apparently too, if he's having gatherings during lockdown.

Very sensible, moral chap.

It's the shock

I suspect if you think about it critically, there may have been signs that he's capable of being like this .. have you had any issues with him before he did this?

You will get over it but it will take time .

@GilbertMarkham - no I hadn't. He seemed really committed. Wanted a future etc.

It's been a rough week, really has.

He is leaving you alone so you panic and chase him, or show how grateful you are when he does decide to talk to you. Don't, he's not worth your time, block and move on.

It seems unlikely that he was truly committed if he's cheated during lockdown (and lockdown during which youve actually been seeing each other?), left it fir you to find out from a third party, and told them to tell you that if you didn't want to continue the relationship that he wasn't going to be breaking his heart or chasing you ....
Something's not adding up there.

@GilbertMarkham - I agree. I've not messaged him. In fact he has not even see me upset. I literally got my stuff and left, I didn't say a word. My friends and family on the other hand have seen all the tears and upset! I've typed out a really emotional and upset message to him the other day. I was going to send it but my best friend intercepted (via phone call) and wouldn't let me send it.

@Itsallgonewoowoo - another poster alluded to that and it's really interesting. I never thought of it like that. How manipulative.

Yes, it's a known tactic, he hopes that he won't get a grilling about his shitty behaviour if he makes you work to get him back, you'll be too frightened to bring it up in case he goes AWOL again.
He will get back in touch at some point. I think writing stuff out helps, but your friend is right, don't send it.
There was a thread where someone was dumped by text after years with no reason. It's worth a read to inspire you.

The absolute "best" case scenario is that he's the sort of person who can't turn down the opportunity for a snog/sexual contact with another woman - while he's in s relationship - and then uses cowardly and manipulative tactics to see if he'll get his partner to accept it (no contact for a while) and "if you want to end it, so be it, I can't do anything about that".

Not really good relationship material.

Plus he's the sort of person who'll increase the risk of a pandemic virus spreading while people, including not otherwise vulnerable healthcare workers are dying trying to treat those infected. What sort of person does that?

@Itsallgonewoowoo - yes I was reading that thread this morning and it did help!

You're so right. When I confronted him he shut me right down with 'I don't wanna argue' he didn't even want to explain himself. It was almost like he was pissed for with me?! So I didn't push it, I just got up and left:

@Itsallgonewoowoo is absolutely right.

What a piece of shit. Don't give him the satisfaction of any contact from you. He doesn't deserve it. Your sadness will turn to anger quite soon. In the meantime just be nice to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve the future that you won't have, but keep reminding yourself that you've dodged a bullet.

@GilbertMarkham - I agree on both accounts. Well I'm strong woman, I won't put up with it and I won't go back, he does know that.

@Imstillskanking - that's true I feel like I am grieving for what might have been. I'm trying to be kind to myself (usually this would involve the hairdressers and a shopping trip!) but obviously that isn't the case at the moment!

I can't wait for the angry phase! It's got to be better than the crying one.

Was your child in the house with all these people? It's not just Corona. People drinking and kissing 🙈

@Rubyred24 - no she was with her dad that night. Thank god.

😄