Problems with my baby father

[mangobaby1]

I'm really stressed & need someone to talk to
I'm 27 weeks pregnant and my whole pregnancy has been horrible because I've been terribly stressed this whole time. My boyfriend has cheated on me numerous times and I've kept on finding messages and calls with females although he keeps on saying that he's going to change and the last time this happened which was the other day when I found him talking to a girl through his call history and then I called her and she said that he moved to her etc he said that he realised that he's been fucking up and he wants to be better for me and that he's going to change. We're still living together right now but I told him that I want him to move out and find his own place so he's in the process of doing that. He has a crazy baby mother and she won't leave me alone she keeps on messaging me crazy shit about him and us and our child and today she told me that he was with a girl when he was with their kids in the park and even though I know that she is a horrible person and wants nothing but misery for me and my child and my relationship with my boyfriend. I can't trust that the girl was not there because he has lied to me so much before although I really think his baby mother would've taken a picture. I am trying to become a practicing Muslim and he says that he wants to be on deen with me too but then he makes no effort like he doesn't care about it at all and I feel like he's holding me back and I was trying to talk to him about it today but he told me that he's with his friends and can't talk right now and I phoned him atleast 4 times so he knows that I'm stressed. I just feel like he doesn't care at all because if he phoned me that much and I knew that he was stressed I would atleast take the time to listen to him and make him feel okay & I think it's even more important because I'm pregnant I shouldn't be so stressed. I don't know what to do anymore all of this hurts me because I love him and I want to be with him I just don't know what is going on in his head because he lies so much I don't know what feelings are true and why he acts the way he does.

I know this post is long and confusing I'm just trying to express myself and get some advice :(

Thanks

I'm so sorry you are going through this. As painful as it may be, being on your own might be best at the moment. He's unfortunately broken your trust at a time you are vulnerable. If you choose to stay with him, you might well be forever questioning his sincerity and it will cause alot of stress. What is most important is yours and the babies health. You deserve to be respected.

Your boyfriend is a cheating piece of shit that doesn't deserve a girlfriend who loves him or a baby. Please respect yourself by getting rid of him as soon as possible, hopefully you will be less stressed when he is out of your life. He is acting like he doesm't care about you because he doesn't.

And these arseholes always have crazy exs, you will be one soon enough.

Dump him. He is clearly a shit.

It's not going to end well if he's not committed to you now- babies bring no end of stress.
You don't want to be trapped in a relationship with a man who is untrustworthy

Better off without him in every single way. Run, don’t walk.

He's well on the way to turning you into a "crazy" person too. That's what happens when you consistently cheat on women, lie to them and treat them badly, they end up all bitter and "crazy" towards you.

You'd be far better off getting shot of the lying cheating scumbag.

I literally could have written your post 13 years ago!
My child's father did the same to me, and I put up with it it for 5 years, because 'I loved him' I was then left with a baby to raise alone.... For the last 13 years, and guess what he has been a dead beat dad too!!
Get rid and focus your attention on you, your baby and your faith. For you!! Be a but selfish from now on and look after yourself. Only you can make you happy.

Please thing about this carefully.
By Christmas you will be a mum.
Your baby daddy sleeps around and will give you an STI .
If he is like this in lockdown, then imagine how he will be when he can be anywhere he wants .
I promise you he will never change, you will spend your life worried about everything.
Cut him out of your life, you need to detach and right now you have a little person who will love you forever just waiting to give you love.

He’s not going to change. Kick him out. Accept you’ll be a single mum. He’s a cheating scumbag.

What on Earth do you love about this lying cheating scumbag? He lies,he cheats, he puts others first, he shows you no respect. What could he possibly have that makes all that ok?

It does not matter how much you love him - HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. And you can't make him love you.

Gather up your self respect, walk away. Do not contact him again. Prepare to bring this baby up on your own. This child will fare better with one reliable, loving parent than with this loser of a father in its life.

This guy is not on your side. He is the awful one, not his ex. Don't make the mistake of pinning all his shit behaviour on her. I would start concentrating on getting ready to look after your child alone rather than flogging the dead horse that is a relationship with him. You deserve better and can't force something he has no commitment to.

My boyfriend has cheated on me numerous times and I've kept on finding messages and calls with females

Why do you stay with him?
What makes you think he'll change?

He has shown you who he is. You staying with him tells him, cheating is not a dealbreaker for you.

It tells him you're prepared to put up with it.

It tells him you're happy to be with him inspite of repeatedly cheating on you.

He has no consequences for his actions and now you'll be tied to him for years to come.

How many chances do you need to give him.

At some point, you need to look internally, because he is a lost cause. So focus on why you repeatedly accept thus behaviour, when you want a monogamous relationship.

You need an STI check. You and your baby could get sick.

He does not love you. This is not what love looks like. You need to tell your midwife that you need an STI check. Seriously think about whether you want him named on the birth certificate. If his exes are all 'crazy' you might be better off without him entirely, rather than have him dipping in and out of your child's life and meeting women to cheat on his next partner with during his access time.

I'm so sorry you're going through this at this point in your life and this point in current events. It must feel overwhelming. Take back what power you can. He sounds like an absolute muppet. And he is not going to be on deen with you. He's telling you what you want to hear and making a mockery of your spirituality too. This is your first parenting decision, and it might be one of the hardest.

Dump him.

Do not give baby his surname.

Do not convert to Islam if you are doing it for his sake. You should only do this if you truly believe and intend to follow this religion for the rest of your life and bring up your child in it, even if you never see him again.

He is not a good Muslim if he is having sex and children outside marriage with several women.

He's cheating on you
Dump him

"He's well on the way to turning you into a "crazy" person too. That's what happens when you consistently cheat on women, lie to them and treat them badly, they end up all bitter and "crazy" towards you.

You'd be far better off getting shot of the lying cheating scumbag."

This.

What did you learn about relationships growing up that made you think you should stay with someone who treats you like this? Did you learn that loving someone is about pain, heartbreak and angst-filled longing? Because it really isn't. That is not love. Unfortunately the intensity of the ectasy/misery cycle that you get in these kinds of relationships can become addictive but it is not love. Love is gentle, kind, nurturing and above all - respectful and self-respecting! Don't settle for someone who treats you like sh1t. It is no foundation for a long-term relationship and it is most definitely not a foundation for family life. Read "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood - she makes the point really well.

And please don't buy the crazy ex stories - he probably treated her just as unkindly as he's treating you and in the end she lost it. This is one of the most insidious effects of mistreating someone - that person often does end up with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety and then the perpetrator has the audacity to call their victim crazy.

Please leave him behind. Stop trying to build a family with someone who cheats and lies. It won't work, it will make you wretched and the instability and unhappiness will have a negative effect on your child also. You're becoming a mother now and you have to concentrate on what is good and nurturing for yourself and your baby.

He has a crazy baby mother

You're his next "crazy" baby mother - do you realise that?

He drove her crazy by cheating on her and treating her like shit, just like he's going to you.

These type of guys are usually still shagging their exes/baby mamas too .. for as long as the women will let them.
That also makes them act "crazy".

What crazy shit is she saying about him - given you know he cheats on you etc. It's probably true.

He could also give you an Sri.

Do you really fancy having to have a caesarian for example, cause you got an outbreak of herpes he kindly gave you.

If he'd given you something like to you in early pregnancy he could've damaged your baby and given them birth defects.

Why are you trying to become a Muslim ; because he is and you want to marry him?

There's no point him calling himself a Muslim or any other religion. He may have been raised Muslim but he's not practicing Islam or any other religion .. since lying, cheating, sleeping around, having kids outside marriage etc are not accepted in any major religion.

This guy will give you nothing but a life of misery.