She values the friendship more than me..

[JustAnotherMumHere]

Not sure if this goes in this topic or another..

I have a friend (and our daughters are good friends at school) who I like to have a natter with now and then. Maybe meet up for some wine and share a few secrets. But I’m not the person who depends on girly friendships and I’m certainly not the person who wants a friend to ring her in the middle of the day who a random chat when I have 10000 things to do. Call me anti-social or selfish but I do enough people pleasing, and sometimes friendships just feel like a chore. (Thank god for covid19 not needing to see people! Haha)

I feel like she NEEDS my friendship more than I need it, and we both have anxiety so I’m anxious she’ll be anxious if I try and tell her to back off a bit. But her neediness is offputting.

I feel like a bitch. Any advice on how not to hurt her feelings, keep her as a friend but also not have to socialise more frequently than I want? (Obviously I would be there for her whatever time of day or night if she needs it but not if its just “i missed talking to you”)

Just tell it how it is, realising your more of a burden than friend to a friend won't be nice. She will be already anxious if she feels your energy has changed, best to be honest. She'll get over it.

I won't have 'friends' like you in my life anymore, but everyone's different I suppose.

What I will say is it is lockdown, a lot of people probably seem a bit more lonely/bored/want to phone sometimes for a chat more than they usually would maybe etc.

But what she's asking for doesn't seem excessive.

Any advice on how not to hurt her feelings, keep her as a friend but also not have to socialise more frequently than I want?

It's a tough one because you're essentially asking how best to ensure you change an existing friendship to one on your terms only, without the other person disagreeing or being upset. I'm afraid this might be a bit of an impossible task 😬

Hard to say how needy she is from your OP. Does she call every day? Why can you just not pick up and call back in your own time?

Nobody NEEDS a "friend" who perceives them as a burden. I think if she knew you thought she was needy she may well back right off. Result.
It's obviously not what you want so you should be honest. Even if her feelings are hurt, at least there is some clarity between you both going forward.

The usual MN advice is only respond when it suits you, and then ghost

I don't really like this, though.

You need to be true to yourself