Does anyone pretend that they are over their exes.....but secretly not?

[cherrydelight2020]

Four years on from my divorce (his choice) and it STILL gets to me. I hate/love him and there's not a day that goes by whereby he doesn't cross my mind.

There is an assumption by friends and family that I should "have moved on" .... "forgotten him"......."got a new man"....so I just pretend that I'm totally cool about it. I even joke about his new family with two shiny new babies (this kills me) and say I'm happy for him (I'm not).

We were married for 25 years.

Anyone else like this?

25 years!
People expect you to be over it because they are over it. It didn't affect them in the same way as it did you and if he was an arse they expect you to be happy and relieved.
I honestly think that a lot of people really don't understand the trauma of relationships ending. 25 years is a long time, it wasn't your choice aand he's moved on fast.
It's nobody else's business how long it takes for you to bounce back.

Your post worries me because I was with exH for 25 years and now a year on I feel slightly better but still not "over him".

Our relationship was emotionally abusive and ended in a very dramatic and traumatic way and we are still not "distentangled" ie divorced or financially separated which drags things on but...

your post makes me think that I still have a way to go.

Have you read "Women who love too much"? I read it very recently and it really resonated as to why I was so profoundly attached to exH even though he was often very cruel to me.

It's helping me get over him too. Give it a try.

Nothing as bad as your situation, but my ex dumped me back in November after 1.5 years, and I still cry about him every day and feel awful. I know ill never meet another like him and it still breaks me. He blocked me on everything and he's never spoken to me since.

It's very frustrating when everyone thinks you should be over it by now and call you creepy or a psycho or obsessed (even as a joke). When someone was your world and suddenly dumps you, it is traumatic. It really is. It's grief.

I understand.

Yep..not over mine ..neither is he. We are exes because of circumstances not because deep down we wanted to be..We both made the right decision but feel we have not finished even after all these years..its strange.

I just cannot shift the feelings and it's driving me mad.

He's treated myself and our two children appallingly yet he still seems to get away with everything he does.

It's very hard, but maybe try to adjust your outlook to 'he is nothing to me any longer'?

Why give him headspace? Your best defence is indifference. Don't look at his social,media or anything else, and make his name a dirty word that no one speaks around you. If you find yourself thinking of him, stop. He's not worth it. Thank your lucky stars someone else has to put up with him, and know that he is having to work much harder with a younger wife and young children than he did with you.

25 years and within four years he’s had TWO children?

I don’t think you’re a bit U not to be over it.

But do you really still love him? Him, I mean. Not the man you thought he was. I’m assuming he wasn’t so much a prick whole you were married that you would know or guess he’d act this way?