Don't think this is too much to ask, is it??

[SPP1]

Currently separating from XP. Asked him to stay at his mum's during lockdown. We have a dog and he asked can he come back and walk him sometimes. No problem, but I asked him to let me know when he was coming. I am still working out the home but I work close so can come home to let the dog out. The nature of my work means I don't have a set lunch break, I just try and juggle things around so I can get home while it's quiet. It's a right pain in the arse but I figured since I asked him to leave, the dog is my responsibility.

3 times now I've planned everything out at work, been able to rush home to find him sitting there. Yesterday, by sheer luck, it was quiet so I was able to come home at noon and WFH the rest of the day, and he never showed.

All I want is a text at some point in the day saying "I'm going to come through at x time to take the dog out", or "not coming through today". Just so I know whether I'm coming or going! He refuses.

Is this too much to ask? I think he's just doing it to be spiteful.

Of course it’s not too much ask but it appears the dog was never the priority, being a PITA was.

Certainly seems that way. He never bothered walking the dog while he was still living there!!!

Nah he's being a twat! That's enough pissing around now! Its not fair on the poor dog, you think its had a walk and it hasn't. Not funny when you come home to a big pile of barkers eggs or a piss puddle! Next time if he asked tell him no and give you the keys back.

The dog always gets walked. I can tell when XP has been round because he's either still there waiting for me, or he's been cooking and the kitchen is a mess (he's still helping himself out the fridge/freezer which is another issue entirely) I've been coming home after a few hours at work every day to make sure dog at least gets out for the toilet.

I would love to demand the keys back/change the locks but unfortunately it's a joint mortgage and I can't stop him being there.

He doesn't live there. Yes, he probably has the right to keys, but it's your home and he should only be letting himself in with your agreement. You should talk to your solicitor.

Coming home to clean up his cooking mess! I can’t believe the absolute fucking cheek of it. Might still be his house but that’s not reasonable.

The food he’s eating isn’t his though is it? Can’t get over the brass neck of it.
Sorry didn’t ask that did you.

I'd ask the keys back quick sharp.
Unless he is prepared to put a 'visiting dog' schedule in place, he won't be allowed at yours and he can arrange to see the dog at the weekends.
Don't let him piss you or your DD around any more.
Make a stand.
Make it plain and simple.
He steps up and does it properly or he fucks off for good.

The stuff out the freezer, yeah technically. Was bought while we were together. The stuff from the fridge, no.

If you're separated and he's moved out, you have the right of quiet enjoyment of the property and he should give notice of visits (or of intention to move back in). He doesn't have the right to swan back in and help himself to stuff whenever he feels like it.

He's taking the piss, so I'd stop the dog-walking thing - he can take it for walks when you're there to give access. If you've decided the relationship is over, you need to make that clear. And change the locks (but probably best get legal advice first).

Cheeky Fucker.

Get a dog cam. Preferably one you can speak through so you can boom 'Get your grubby mits out of my fridge' through it. Ours motion triggered to you don't have to watch it all the time, you get notified when there's movement.

OMG - that's worse OP.
He cooks and uses your stuff and leaves a mess when he visits!
NOT OK!!!
I've no idea what you do about it. But I'd certainly start with a lock on my fridge / freezer!!!
Easy to get on Amazon.
I'd be livid by this behaviour.

"Get your grubby mits out of my fridge"

That made me laugh. Love it.

Going out of my mind today. No contact from him all day, so I've nipped home twice to let the dog out. Get home 4pm, and immediately take the dog out for a long run. Only, he's knackered. XP texts shortly afterwards to say he's been round and already walked him. Nothing moved in the house whatsoever! He even put the lead and collar back exactly the way I left it. starting to feel really uncomfortable now and pissed off at his silly games.

Then do something about it.

@TeaAndHobnob
But what though???
Call the police and say what exactly?? 'My DH who's owns half the house keeps coming round to help me out walking my dog!'
Legally she can't really change the locks.
I'm stumped on what the OP can do here.
If it was me, I probably would change the locks and worry about the consequences after.
It's not an easy fix this one!

Her DH has to have her agreement to enter the house. It's like a landlord - they own the house but they can't go in and out whenever they want, they have to have their tenants agreement. Same here - it's her home and her ex is disturbing that. Changing the locks might cause problems and technically it is illegal, but she could say to her ex unless you start checking with me before you enter the house, I will change the locks. Alternatively there might be a legal route she could take via her solicitor. I don't know what the answer is, but it isn't just putting up with it and feeling like your home isn't yours.

Hes coming around without her permission and stealing her personal possessions and making a mess for her to clean up.

I would make a police complaint - they wont do anything, but it will make clear to the courts that you take his conduct seriously.

I would then change the locks and let him take enforcement procedures. Then have a solictor/barrister inform the court of how he - effectively half the landlord - is behaving, referencing the police complaint and inability to address it that way, causing you to change the locks for your safety. They may order the house sold. It's unlikely that they'll order you to give him free entry 24/7. He may be allowed to inspects at defined periods, with notice.

I would take legal advice on this immediately.

FWIW, I changed the locks, nothing happened.

I agree with changing the locks. But if you don't want the hassle it might bring, get a Ring doorbell. It will send an alert to your phone when someone is at the door. At least then you'd know if he showed up. You can also speak remotely through it.

All this stuff about landlords and tenants is nonsense. He is not her landlord, she is not his tenant, there is no tenancy agreement, she is not paying rent, she has no right to quiet enjoyment which is conferred by a tenancy agreement.

It's not clear what the op has said to the ex. Starting with "this isn't working for me, you need to stop coming round" would be a plan.

While she shouldn't change the locks, it's not illegal to do so as it's her house. Locking him out specifically isn't OK, but what is he going to do about it?

When I had an ex move out once I started to use the back door, which he didn't have a key for, and I accidentally left my front door key in the inside of the lock which sadly meant he couldn't open it from the outside.

Some of the stuff being posted here is batshit. Right to quiet enjoyment? He’s her landlord? Only if she’s renting his half off him and has an agreement in place.

Past that it’s his marital home and he’s as much right to be there as she does.

I'd definitely be getting all the locks changed asap, then send him a text or email to say you had to replace the locks as they were broken, but you'll get a set to him as soon as you've been able to meet with your solicitor to ask if you have to

That way you're covered as you WILL get him keys, IF you're told you have to

He's marking his territory OP - your ex, not the dog......
That's why he comes and goes and does as he pleases - he's telling it's still HIS house.........apparently your rights and feelings don't count.

He's invading your personal and private space.
Tell him to either take the dog or come round at a prearranged time.
Change the locks if you have to....he sounds like the kid of person who'd go through your clothes and undies behind your back.

Then look into getting an occupation order asap so he legally has no 'right' to violate your personal space.