Anyone else's partner/husband adopted their stepchild?

[namechange12384747]

Inspired by another thread I've been reading, has anyone's DP or DH adopted their stepchild? How was the process? As not to drip feed, been with DP for 5 years and he has been in DD's life since she was quite little. Her biological father has had zero contact since she was born, he's not on birth certificate and takes no interest at all (all his own choice). DP and I are in engaged and all of this corona stuff has got me thinking what would happen should something (god forbid) happen to me. I know wills are not legally binding in regards to the care of children so I'm presuming adoption would be the logical legal route, anyone got any experience?

My first thought... it's way too soon. Five years is a long time, but it's not long enough to be sure of your future to basically give him the same legal rights over your daughter as you. It's just not. One day. Once you've been married a few years, and are happy, then revisit. But not yet.

I agree with a pp, 5 years isn't that long. By adopting your dc your dh will have exactly the same rights and responsibility for your dc. He could apply for custody should you split up, he could claim cms off you, consent to medical treatment etc. In the eyes of the law he'd be as if he was biologically related to her as her father. That's a huge amount of power you're giving him over her.

You could look at guardianship and tie up what would happen in the even if your death legally rather than going down the adoption route

Yes I agree. Once married, look into guardianship stuff?

I can see where you're both coming from. DP has never pushed this issue either, this is entirely my idea. The only reason I thought of it as an option is I have quite a complicated relationship with both my parents, both are divorced and very toxic. I'm LC with my mother and close to NC with my father. My mother likes to insist that if it came to it she would happily take DD and that's really not something I want.

Would making a will be a better option for now?

Speak to a family solicitor about guardianship now and if you die before your dc is an adult. There's plenty you can do to secure your dcs future without going the whole gig with adoption, should you need to.

I'm not sure if your dcs biological father will need to sign over his parental rights as he's not on the birth certificate.

I've spoken briefly to family friend who is solicitor about a will but she didn't mention guardianship, I will look into it. Thank you all for your suggestions

I would also consider cutting contact with your mother right, right back.

If she is toxic, then as your DD gets older and you maintain contact with her, the relationships are only going to get more and more of a problem - you have control over a young child, not so much over an older one who is free to call at Granny's at will and be told endlessly how crap her mother is and interfere in parenting decisions... I have a friend whose awful mum bribed with sweets and toys when they were babies, now they're teenagers she's bribing with phones and a place to come back to 'If you ever want to stay out all night and have parties!' She does it to undermine her daughter because she is a toxic bitch: her daughter now wishes heartily that she'd prevented a relationship between her mother and her children but it's too late now. Think about that - and the fact that if anything did happen to you, your mother's case for custody over your DD's stepfather would be weak indeed if she hadn't even seen her for six months at a time...

Yes, my husband adopted my children (whose dad had died). In my Local Authority social services are supportive of this, where there is no relationship with birth parent, but they want the couple to have proved that this is a longstanding relationship by getting married. You should be aware that generally the court will insist that a living birth parent must be contacted and ideally their permission gained.

There is also an option, if you get married, for a step parent to gain Parental Responsibility, which avoids going through all the adoption hoops, though in our case adoption was the right choice.

DH adopted my son. We had been married 10 + years when decided to do it. BF had no contact since birth and wasn’t on BC. Was a very simple process, however, we still needed BF to sign documents relinquishing parental rights, he did so without hesitation. Our reasoning was same as you, what if something happened to me. My DH has raised him from a baby & we have D.C. together. Will get home visit from Lawyer & a SS home visit to do report. All went through within a few months. Be sure it’s right for you all though. Good luck